Yesterday was a frustrating and depressing day for me, and not really because of any direct event that occurred, but because of this pinching thorn in my side called jealousy. For those of you who don't know, I worked at summer camp last year, and thought that God had created that job specifically for me. i got paid to run around screaming, making crafts, and sharing the gospel with kids. Not only that, but I had an amazing staff to work with who quickly became like family to me. Well, yesterday was the first day of training for my camp friends, and I was so jealous that I couldn't do camp again. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Camp looked SO much better than my internship. I have friends or would definitely make friends at camp, here, I'm still not sure I'm anyone's friend, I would know exactly what I'm doing each day, here, I'm at the mercy of others to determine what I'll be doing.
The idea that absolutely killed me yesterday was this, Camp was straight up evangelism, asset mapping mentoring programs? not at all. I was furious that God would have me do this instead! I couldn't understand why God would use me last summer and show me that He can use me to reach out to kids, but stick me in an office with adults who are already Christians this summer.
After a very quite and slow dinner, I went up to my room and pulled out a special box. The box itself isn't anything special, it's an old Tevas shoe box with my name written on it in sharpie. it's what's inside the box that I treasure so much. Since freshman year of college, I've kept all the notes and letters and pictures people have given me. I pull them out and read them whenever I'm depressed or nostalgic.
I started reading some of them, and some of them had pretty powerful statements on them. Friends telling me that they know God's going to use me in amazing ways; I have tremendous gifts that I should use in as many ways as possible. I wanted to call those friends up and ask, "who the heck do you think I am?!?! I'm not that gifted, I don't think God's going to use me in amazing ways!"
I came across some others that told me that God will use me, if I only continue to submit humbly ; That the reasons for me being here, now, will be made clear if I pursue God with every ounce of my being. I thought, "Seriously, I'm sick of submitting to the unknown and the vague!"
That's when I felt more like a combination of Moses and Peter. I most certainly have not trusted that God will use the way he's created me to share His gospel of love with Miami, even though he 's proved his power to do this over and over to me. I've gone into the unknown before, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, but once I got to Miami, I looked away and fell in.
please pray for joy and contentment in my work. That God will let me see the fruits of my labor and the effects of that on the furthering of His Kingdom in Miami. It's not as familiar as camp, but that only forces me to trust God more to use me in miraculous ways.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Estoy haciendo algunas ecepciones
So, this whole communication fast thing, needed some tweaking ("t-w-e-a-k-i-n-g...well, that's it. He's married. with 3 kids." gold star to whoever recognizes that quote). See, I only get internet in the office, not at the house, which is when I'd normally be distracted by outside communication. Since that's the case, I've been forced to be intentional with my host family (either that or I just sit in my room from 7pm-7am. LAME-O). At the office, I'm normally jumping from job to job and talking with different people anyways. When I'm not, like right now, everyone around me is busy. I haven't been on facebook, which I'll keep off of for a while longer, and I haven't sent a text message until this morning and that was planned and that was to all my C3 family.
Anywho, blogging and restricted emails to my prayer partner and fellow interns are now allowed. texting, facebook, and excess emails are not.
So, here's what's been going on.
Saturday: babysat for the successful marriage counseling training event. I miss kids a lot!
Sunday: went to Citi Church. Chattanooga residents: picture a New City Fellowship without the Presbyterian title and a Hispanic Randy Nabors and VOILA! you have Citi Church. The worship was incredible! There was music, shouting, dancing, laughing, crying it was almost like a small small picture of Heaven. I got to go dress shopping with Yvonne and her 13 year old mentee who needed a white graduation dress. And, the Sawyers other son came home from studying abroad in Europe. He knew I was going to be there and brought me Swiss chocolate. I wanted to cry when he gave it to me because I haven't had chocolate in at least 13 days, and it was Swiss!
Monday: Mary asked me to look into this Christian youth mentoring network that's national. She also invited me to their staff meeting about their next mentoring orientation. So, I sat in there, not really expecting to say anything; then she asks me for my opinion on the last orientation I sat in. I gave my honest opinion and they took my advice! me, the little college intern who's had no social work experience and only been in the office for a week, gave advice that changed the way they ran their next orientation! HOLLER! We also had another "Family" dinner at my hosts' house. The 2 youngest sons are hilarious! and musicians! I've heard them practicing or playing their music at night.
Tuesday: I helped Mary put together her power point for her part of the orientation. It was interesting because the secretary, Lilly, told me how much she hates power point because she doesn't really use it. I told her I hated it because I had to use it for every stupid high school project and sometimes at Covenant. I also helped stuff the packets for the attendees for the orientation and got stuff together for that. We then went to Cross Bridge Church to run the orientation (during which I was taking notes), and then went home.
The Random Observations:
- the phones in the office are extremely loud, no one puts them up to their ears, they hold them against the side of their face.
- Friday, Mary and Lily told be about Memorial day weekend on Miami beach. It’s Hip Hip Weekend and they told me not to even think about going out there. A lot of crap happens then.
- The Miami Herold featured an article on microfinancing in Haiti. I sent it to Dr. Mask and Kevin. Dr. Masks' response to it? "Greetings, you micorfinance monster!" oh...no...
- Florida water has a very distinct taste, even if it’s filtered.
- Jorge (from accounting) makes Café Cubano EVERY DAY he comes into work! Friday is no longer my
favorite day.
- If anything bad happens to me, it will most likely be a car accident because people here, are MANIACS! Normally, car horns startle me and make me sheepish, but here, I don’t care.
The Problems:
- still no response from the email I sent out. I'm praying a LOT right now that God just reminds them to respond. If I don't hear anything by lunch, I'm hunting some folks down. I need to start setting up interviews!
- Because I'm not "doing anything", I'm the candidate for a lot of other jobs, which is fine, but I'm getting a little nervous about people remembering I'm here to complete a very specific task. and those who are giving me the extra jobs? they're the ones I need to meet with so I can start calling for interviews.
- holy Cynicism, batman! The head of the organization says a LOT of negative things about the church, other programs, the local and national government, schools, etc. and it is driving me CRAZY! but I don't know how to deal with it, so I let him rant on in hopes that something positive will come out of my mouth.....eventually
The Good Stuff:
- I'm getting to know my host brothers better. they are AWESOME!
- I'm getting to know the staff better and they really trust and value me and my work.
- I've adapted to the culture. And by "adapted" I mean that I'm no longer in shock by some of the outfits people choose to wear or by the dramatic changes between geographical locations, and
Estoy estudiando espanol todos las noches.
- I'm getting use to spicy foods.
Gracias para tus oraciones!
Rebeca
Anywho, blogging and restricted emails to my prayer partner and fellow interns are now allowed. texting, facebook, and excess emails are not.
So, here's what's been going on.
Saturday: babysat for the successful marriage counseling training event. I miss kids a lot!
Sunday: went to Citi Church. Chattanooga residents: picture a New City Fellowship without the Presbyterian title and a Hispanic Randy Nabors and VOILA! you have Citi Church. The worship was incredible! There was music, shouting, dancing, laughing, crying it was almost like a small small picture of Heaven. I got to go dress shopping with Yvonne and her 13 year old mentee who needed a white graduation dress. And, the Sawyers other son came home from studying abroad in Europe. He knew I was going to be there and brought me Swiss chocolate. I wanted to cry when he gave it to me because I haven't had chocolate in at least 13 days, and it was Swiss!
Monday: Mary asked me to look into this Christian youth mentoring network that's national. She also invited me to their staff meeting about their next mentoring orientation. So, I sat in there, not really expecting to say anything; then she asks me for my opinion on the last orientation I sat in. I gave my honest opinion and they took my advice! me, the little college intern who's had no social work experience and only been in the office for a week, gave advice that changed the way they ran their next orientation! HOLLER! We also had another "Family" dinner at my hosts' house. The 2 youngest sons are hilarious! and musicians! I've heard them practicing or playing their music at night.
Tuesday: I helped Mary put together her power point for her part of the orientation. It was interesting because the secretary, Lilly, told me how much she hates power point because she doesn't really use it. I told her I hated it because I had to use it for every stupid high school project and sometimes at Covenant. I also helped stuff the packets for the attendees for the orientation and got stuff together for that. We then went to Cross Bridge Church to run the orientation (during which I was taking notes), and then went home.
The Random Observations:
- the phones in the office are extremely loud, no one puts them up to their ears, they hold them against the side of their face.
- Friday, Mary and Lily told be about Memorial day weekend on Miami beach. It’s Hip Hip Weekend and they told me not to even think about going out there. A lot of crap happens then.
- The Miami Herold featured an article on microfinancing in Haiti. I sent it to Dr. Mask and Kevin. Dr. Masks' response to it? "Greetings, you micorfinance monster!" oh...no...
- Florida water has a very distinct taste, even if it’s filtered.
- Jorge (from accounting) makes Café Cubano EVERY DAY he comes into work! Friday is no longer my
favorite day.
- If anything bad happens to me, it will most likely be a car accident because people here, are MANIACS! Normally, car horns startle me and make me sheepish, but here, I don’t care.
The Problems:
- still no response from the email I sent out. I'm praying a LOT right now that God just reminds them to respond. If I don't hear anything by lunch, I'm hunting some folks down. I need to start setting up interviews!
- Because I'm not "doing anything", I'm the candidate for a lot of other jobs, which is fine, but I'm getting a little nervous about people remembering I'm here to complete a very specific task. and those who are giving me the extra jobs? they're the ones I need to meet with so I can start calling for interviews.
- holy Cynicism, batman! The head of the organization says a LOT of negative things about the church, other programs, the local and national government, schools, etc. and it is driving me CRAZY! but I don't know how to deal with it, so I let him rant on in hopes that something positive will come out of my mouth.....eventually
The Good Stuff:
- I'm getting to know my host brothers better. they are AWESOME!
- I'm getting to know the staff better and they really trust and value me and my work.
- I've adapted to the culture. And by "adapted" I mean that I'm no longer in shock by some of the outfits people choose to wear or by the dramatic changes between geographical locations, and
Estoy estudiando espanol todos las noches.
- I'm getting use to spicy foods.
Gracias para tus oraciones!
Rebeca
Friday, May 21, 2010
"como se dice.....success.....y...frustration?"
Shwell, on Wednesday, Mary came back and I felt a great peace about my summer as she was giving me a detailed overview of what they want me to do. I almost cried (out of joy!) when she handed me a notebook FULL of research and resources they already had. She also gave me a brief overview of their attempt to create the Mentoring Network of Miami. The notebook had almost EVERYTHING from the preparation for this, everything down to emails that said things like,"hey, here are some questions I have...". AND! they already researched and collecting contact information from most 22 of the mentoring programs in Miami. Com. Dev. Asset Mapping intern's DREAM COME TRUE! So, flipping through the book, I came up with a TON of questions about this attempt which Mary answered for me and referenced me to other staff members for answers to other questions.
So, between Wednesday and today, here's what I've done:
- Typed up a detailed history of FCFC's attempt to start MNM (some details still missing).
- Type up a questionnaire for my interviews with the mentoring programs
- Started writing a consent form, got frustrated with how fake it sounded, and moved on with my life (I do plan on coming back to this, no fears)
- Worked on my expanded field notes a bit.
- Observed a training orientation run by FCFC at a local church.
- chopped celery, peppers and broccoli (yeah, I'll come back to this in a second)
- sent an email out to some staff members asking if I could meet with each of them. (yeah, I'll come back to this one, too).
THE PROBLEMS
1. My host continuously tells me how he wants me to have a "well-rounded" experience, not just sit and read about things. Great! all about the hands on thing...however, I don't think he finds my research to be a priority. After the mentoring orientation he told me that he thought observations were dead ends and asked me how helpful they'll really be to my research. I explained that they are EXTREMELY crucial to my research and make up about 35%-50% of my data. He isn't too sure about it still (It's like trying to convince Dr. Mask that Asset Mapping is REAL RESEARCH). This morning, I was partaking in a VERY interesting conversation about Amachi when I was pulled away to chop vegetables for the Marriage Conference FCFC's hosting this weekend. yeah, kinda frustrating.
2. Yeah, that email? Sent it out yesterday to 5 people, all whom I met face-to-face and have had some interactions with. I must have been to nice (I know, weird, right?) because NONE of them have responded! It made me kind of nervous, because me and my crazy anxieties thought about the possibility that they don't care or understand my research. So, that thought is now being sat on by a mammoth of a thought called, "CALM DOWN!".
THE LESSONS
1. "Do everything without complaining"....anyone have a song stuck in their head now (haha!) yeah, I know that I missed an important conversation, but the questions that came into my head during that time will come up again, I can get those answers anythime. It wasn't like I was being kept from an interview with an organization or anything like that. And if that does happen, I can easily say, "no." but right now, I'm waiting for the OK to start interviewing, I've got time to chop!
2. "Be Patient, Don't worry"....anyone have another song stuck in their head? haha!
So, People are busy around here. they all have like 50 million different responsibilities to worry about. I need to be super patient because, contrary to my personal beliefs, I'M NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON AND MY RESEARCH IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK! yeah, stickin' that on a post-it note where I can see it everyday. in addition to this kind of patience, I have to be patience with miscommunication and misunderstandings. If someone thinks that my observations are pointless, so what? as long as I can still conduct them, it's fine, it's not a battle I have to fight or a grudge to hold against them.
BRIEFING
so, I realize this was a super long post, but it's where I'm at right now. And I won't be blogging for a while (this is my last day of internet access before my communications fast).
Your prayers are always desired!
So, between Wednesday and today, here's what I've done:
- Typed up a detailed history of FCFC's attempt to start MNM (some details still missing).
- Type up a questionnaire for my interviews with the mentoring programs
- Started writing a consent form, got frustrated with how fake it sounded, and moved on with my life (I do plan on coming back to this, no fears)
- Worked on my expanded field notes a bit.
- Observed a training orientation run by FCFC at a local church.
- chopped celery, peppers and broccoli (yeah, I'll come back to this in a second)
- sent an email out to some staff members asking if I could meet with each of them. (yeah, I'll come back to this one, too).
THE PROBLEMS
1. My host continuously tells me how he wants me to have a "well-rounded" experience, not just sit and read about things. Great! all about the hands on thing...however, I don't think he finds my research to be a priority. After the mentoring orientation he told me that he thought observations were dead ends and asked me how helpful they'll really be to my research. I explained that they are EXTREMELY crucial to my research and make up about 35%-50% of my data. He isn't too sure about it still (It's like trying to convince Dr. Mask that Asset Mapping is REAL RESEARCH). This morning, I was partaking in a VERY interesting conversation about Amachi when I was pulled away to chop vegetables for the Marriage Conference FCFC's hosting this weekend. yeah, kinda frustrating.
2. Yeah, that email? Sent it out yesterday to 5 people, all whom I met face-to-face and have had some interactions with. I must have been to nice (I know, weird, right?) because NONE of them have responded! It made me kind of nervous, because me and my crazy anxieties thought about the possibility that they don't care or understand my research. So, that thought is now being sat on by a mammoth of a thought called, "CALM DOWN!".
THE LESSONS
1. "Do everything without complaining"....anyone have a song stuck in their head now (haha!) yeah, I know that I missed an important conversation, but the questions that came into my head during that time will come up again, I can get those answers anythime. It wasn't like I was being kept from an interview with an organization or anything like that. And if that does happen, I can easily say, "no." but right now, I'm waiting for the OK to start interviewing, I've got time to chop!
2. "Be Patient, Don't worry"....anyone have another song stuck in their head? haha!
So, People are busy around here. they all have like 50 million different responsibilities to worry about. I need to be super patient because, contrary to my personal beliefs, I'M NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON AND MY RESEARCH IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK! yeah, stickin' that on a post-it note where I can see it everyday. in addition to this kind of patience, I have to be patience with miscommunication and misunderstandings. If someone thinks that my observations are pointless, so what? as long as I can still conduct them, it's fine, it's not a battle I have to fight or a grudge to hold against them.
BRIEFING
so, I realize this was a super long post, but it's where I'm at right now. And I won't be blogging for a while (this is my last day of internet access before my communications fast).
Your prayers are always desired!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
bebo cafe' todos las dias
yep. that's about the extend of my Espanol right now. I spend 2 hours working through a Spanish grammar book and attempted to memorize some of the verbs, but by this morning, Beber (to drink) is the only one I could remember.
I know I'm blogging a lot, but that's because it's a good way for me to process this new environment. I plan on starting my communication fast next week. For those of you who didn't get that speech,
Communication Fast: Prof. Corbett's strong suggestion for domestic interns to cut themselves off from all forms of communication outside the context their working in. That means phone calls, texts messages, facebook, blogs, etc. I will only answer calls and emails from folks in Miami. I hope to do this for 2 weeks to a month.
But that's next week, and write now my head is spinning with all that's going on! it's a good thing, it's kinda overwhelming. Dr. Mask has turned me into an observation monster. There are a lot of little things that I'd love to stop and focus on, but I have to move past it. A lot of ethical and research issues have already come up that I'd like to examine, but I can't!
Mary, my supervisor and the person I'll be working the most with, is supposed to be back from her vacation today. According to Yvonne, my job is going to be making a whole lot of intentional contact with the heads of the smaller mentoring programs in the area to get this thing started.
The baseball game Monday night was very interesting. We passed out fliers about the mentoring program. One of the guys' attention grabber was to ask people "would you like to be a mentor?" It definitely worked because it was straight forward, it wasn't anything unattractive like "want to fill out a survey?" or "timeshare in Orlando?" but it got some interesting reactions. Some people were lured in by it, others were scared white by that question. I never thought that word "Mentor" would cause such humility and shame in people. I started thinking about it and realized the pressure that comes with that title. Think about someone who you consider to be your mentor, think about how flawless they look in your eyes and then think about some stranger asking you if you want to be like them. Yeah, scary!
Well, back to reading up on mentoring and trying to translate the Spanish conversations that go on here at the office.
I know I'm blogging a lot, but that's because it's a good way for me to process this new environment. I plan on starting my communication fast next week. For those of you who didn't get that speech,
Communication Fast: Prof. Corbett's strong suggestion for domestic interns to cut themselves off from all forms of communication outside the context their working in. That means phone calls, texts messages, facebook, blogs, etc. I will only answer calls and emails from folks in Miami. I hope to do this for 2 weeks to a month.
But that's next week, and write now my head is spinning with all that's going on! it's a good thing, it's kinda overwhelming. Dr. Mask has turned me into an observation monster. There are a lot of little things that I'd love to stop and focus on, but I have to move past it. A lot of ethical and research issues have already come up that I'd like to examine, but I can't!
Mary, my supervisor and the person I'll be working the most with, is supposed to be back from her vacation today. According to Yvonne, my job is going to be making a whole lot of intentional contact with the heads of the smaller mentoring programs in the area to get this thing started.
The baseball game Monday night was very interesting. We passed out fliers about the mentoring program. One of the guys' attention grabber was to ask people "would you like to be a mentor?" It definitely worked because it was straight forward, it wasn't anything unattractive like "want to fill out a survey?" or "timeshare in Orlando?" but it got some interesting reactions. Some people were lured in by it, others were scared white by that question. I never thought that word "Mentor" would cause such humility and shame in people. I started thinking about it and realized the pressure that comes with that title. Think about someone who you consider to be your mentor, think about how flawless they look in your eyes and then think about some stranger asking you if you want to be like them. Yeah, scary!
Well, back to reading up on mentoring and trying to translate the Spanish conversations that go on here at the office.
Monday, May 17, 2010
List of observations and specific prayer requests
I forgot to add this to my last post.
1. I'm extremely quiet when I'm nervous. I've been one-word answering as many questions as possible and I think the most I've talked about has been explaining my paper requirements for the internship.
2. I will have NO temptation whatsoever to go home to visit. Driving through the Everglades is like driving through a jungle (which is full of animals that have more road rights than you and they like crossing the street as slowly as humanly possible.).
3. Nerves + emotional exhaustion + living in a house that eats at 8am, 3pm, and 8:30pm = weird eating habits. I'm not hungry, but I know I should eat. I'll have to purchase some protein bars or something to carry with me.
4. 177th Ave = where I'll be purchasing my fruits and veggies once I move to the door house. it's FULL of local farmers selling their stuff!
5. I've got to get used to having a drum set in my room. Last night, I accidentally hit one of the cymbals with the end of my phone charger and it was a domino effect of sounds.
6. the weather: scalding hot outside. freezing cold inside. torrential down pour of rain in the afternoons. FL summers are NOT enjoyable.
7. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) in the FCFC offices speaks Spanish fluently. Spanglish has been thrown between cubicles all morning. The most Spanish I spoke today was "Asi, Asi" and it was when a Hispanic staff member asked me how well I spoke Spanish.
SPECIFIC PRAYER REQUESTS:
- that I'd calm down about this. I really am not enjoying the ambiguity of my responsibilities and what I'm kind of time line I'm on. I also don't think my host completely understands the side observations and interviews I have to conduct for my papers and logs.
- That I'd adjust to my surroundings. I know I'm not experiencing any time difference, major cultural differences, or anything like that, but Miami is still a completely different place than Chattanooga and Cape Coral. The people I'm living and working with are different from Covenant students and staff. I didn't think about this before hand, but now it's something I've got to get through.
- Relationships. That I'd be able to establish good relationships with all the members of my host family and the people in the FCFC offices.
- Yeah, didn't think Spanish was a necessity, oh so COMPLETELY wrong! Pray that I can dedicate my evenings to learning it and will pick up on it quickly.
1. I'm extremely quiet when I'm nervous. I've been one-word answering as many questions as possible and I think the most I've talked about has been explaining my paper requirements for the internship.
2. I will have NO temptation whatsoever to go home to visit. Driving through the Everglades is like driving through a jungle (which is full of animals that have more road rights than you and they like crossing the street as slowly as humanly possible.).
3. Nerves + emotional exhaustion + living in a house that eats at 8am, 3pm, and 8:30pm = weird eating habits. I'm not hungry, but I know I should eat. I'll have to purchase some protein bars or something to carry with me.
4. 177th Ave = where I'll be purchasing my fruits and veggies once I move to the door house. it's FULL of local farmers selling their stuff!
5. I've got to get used to having a drum set in my room. Last night, I accidentally hit one of the cymbals with the end of my phone charger and it was a domino effect of sounds.
6. the weather: scalding hot outside. freezing cold inside. torrential down pour of rain in the afternoons. FL summers are NOT enjoyable.
7. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) in the FCFC offices speaks Spanish fluently. Spanglish has been thrown between cubicles all morning. The most Spanish I spoke today was "Asi, Asi" and it was when a Hispanic staff member asked me how well I spoke Spanish.
SPECIFIC PRAYER REQUESTS:
- that I'd calm down about this. I really am not enjoying the ambiguity of my responsibilities and what I'm kind of time line I'm on. I also don't think my host completely understands the side observations and interviews I have to conduct for my papers and logs.
- That I'd adjust to my surroundings. I know I'm not experiencing any time difference, major cultural differences, or anything like that, but Miami is still a completely different place than Chattanooga and Cape Coral. The people I'm living and working with are different from Covenant students and staff. I didn't think about this before hand, but now it's something I've got to get through.
- Relationships. That I'd be able to establish good relationships with all the members of my host family and the people in the FCFC offices.
- Yeah, didn't think Spanish was a necessity, oh so COMPLETELY wrong! Pray that I can dedicate my evenings to learning it and will pick up on it quickly.
150 miles never looked so different
Well, I made it to Miami, FL yesterday at 3pm local time (what? all the international interns do it, why can't I?). The Sawyers have already been extremely generous and kind to me, making the adjustment a bit easier. They have 2 sons who are living at their house for the summer, and one more coming home next week. Last night Rick and I went to an evening service at a local church and found Paul and Heather Mannuel there. Paul use to be the assistant pastor at my home church when I was in middle school, and now he's the pastor of this PCA church in Miami. It was great seeing familiar faces in a COMPLETELY unfamiliar context.
Today, I'm at the FCFC offices doing "orientation" and filling out every piece of paperwork known to mankind so that I can go to any event FCFC runs. I've spent the past hour on www.mentoring.org to get a better idea of what's out there and the best practices and such. I did the required mentoring training for Amachi Mentoring and was excited to see the SMAART principle I learned from 310, SWOT analysis from principles of management, and almost the entire context of my interpersonal communications class present in the training material.
Tonight, I'm going to a Marlins game (yeah, baseball, nothing I know anything about), but not to watch the game. A couple of staff members from FCFC's Children of Inmates program will be there to pass out fliers about their work and how people can volunteer. No, I won't be passing out fliers, I'll be observing in order to get material for one of my required papers.
Today, I'm at the FCFC offices doing "orientation" and filling out every piece of paperwork known to mankind so that I can go to any event FCFC runs. I've spent the past hour on www.mentoring.org to get a better idea of what's out there and the best practices and such. I did the required mentoring training for Amachi Mentoring and was excited to see the SMAART principle I learned from 310, SWOT analysis from principles of management, and almost the entire context of my interpersonal communications class present in the training material.
Tonight, I'm going to a Marlins game (yeah, baseball, nothing I know anything about), but not to watch the game. A couple of staff members from FCFC's Children of Inmates program will be there to pass out fliers about their work and how people can volunteer. No, I won't be passing out fliers, I'll be observing in order to get material for one of my required papers.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Marching into the unknown
I woke up this morning, sore, tired and with a scene from "You've Got Mail" running through my head (it's my favorite movie, what can I say). The scene was when Kathleen Kelly tells her 2 female co-workers that she's closing the store that she's owned for years. One of the co-workers, Birdie, pours tea for them and replies, "Closing the store is the brave thing to do. You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you're not. You are marching into the unknown armed with...Nothing.Have a sandwich."
Last night was the official start of "Panic Mode". Around 1:30am, I wasn't sure if I was correct about my end date. I thought I might have counted 12 weeks wrong. I pulled out my calender and recounted from Sunday, May 16th till Sunday, August 8th 3 times (once by the days, twice by the weeks). Do you know how long 12 weeks is? it's 84 days. 3 whole months. I'm not worried about being away from home, I did that last summer for 10 weeks and was fine. It's the fact that I'm in a very unstable position. It's short-term, I'm not from the community, and I've never done anything like this before. I'm "marching into the unknown armed with....nothing". faaannnntastic.
I even had doubts last night about being a community development major. Why did I choose this? Why did I think I'd be good at it? what was I planning on doing with it? At one point I panicked because I realized that I'd rather work for Winshape Camps again then go on this internship. For some reason, I thought that was a sin. Then I realized, Camp is something I know and understand, I can go into it armed with my past experience and knowledge of how it works.
Asset Mapping in Miami? nope. nothing. completely new to me.
Pray for peace during my last 24 hours in Cape Coral. That, although I'm armed with nothing, I may realize that God is armed with...everything. If He is for me, who can be against me?
Last night was the official start of "Panic Mode". Around 1:30am, I wasn't sure if I was correct about my end date. I thought I might have counted 12 weeks wrong. I pulled out my calender and recounted from Sunday, May 16th till Sunday, August 8th 3 times (once by the days, twice by the weeks). Do you know how long 12 weeks is? it's 84 days. 3 whole months. I'm not worried about being away from home, I did that last summer for 10 weeks and was fine. It's the fact that I'm in a very unstable position. It's short-term, I'm not from the community, and I've never done anything like this before. I'm "marching into the unknown armed with....nothing". faaannnntastic.
I even had doubts last night about being a community development major. Why did I choose this? Why did I think I'd be good at it? what was I planning on doing with it? At one point I panicked because I realized that I'd rather work for Winshape Camps again then go on this internship. For some reason, I thought that was a sin. Then I realized, Camp is something I know and understand, I can go into it armed with my past experience and knowledge of how it works.
Asset Mapping in Miami? nope. nothing. completely new to me.
Pray for peace during my last 24 hours in Cape Coral. That, although I'm armed with nothing, I may realize that God is armed with...everything. If He is for me, who can be against me?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Life needs an emergency brake!
It's officially 6 DAYS until my internship starts! I still can't grasp it. I've been preparing for this internship since the fall of 2008 and spent a lot of my free time this past semester getting things together for it. And now it's almost here. I hardly feel ready for this. I've thought about what I'm suppose to accomplish and I tell God that there's NO WAY I can do that! research and map all the mentoring programs in Miami-Dade? build relationships with everyone? in 12 weeks? alone? no no no. I remind myself of Moses, which is hopeful...and scary. Moses made a junk-load of excuses, God still commanded Him to go, Moses was used to save God's people.
I'm making a junk-load of excuses, God's still commanding me to go. I don't know if I'll be successful (however you want to define success in this job), but I know the Lord will be with me. The following passage is one of my favorites. We used it every week during my camp job last summer.
"And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
Exodus 14: 13-14
Pray that I have courage to stand firm, eyes to see His salvation, and a quiet heart to trust in His might.
I'm making a junk-load of excuses, God's still commanding me to go. I don't know if I'll be successful (however you want to define success in this job), but I know the Lord will be with me. The following passage is one of my favorites. We used it every week during my camp job last summer.
"And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
Exodus 14: 13-14
Pray that I have courage to stand firm, eyes to see His salvation, and a quiet heart to trust in His might.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Next Step
Well, that's it! I'm officially done with my Junior year at Covenant College! It's been a very difficult semester considering most of my classes were upper division and for my major. US Urban Poverty, International Microenterprise Development and Cross-Cultural Social Science Research Methods were my most difficult, but were also the one's I cared the most about.
So, now it's on to my internship! it's so hard to believe! I'm still $300 short, but I know that the Lord will provide, as He always does. Friday evening, the Community Development department had a "Send-Off" event. Our 4 professors, 2 of the Chalmers Center staff, a senior in the major along with the 12 Junior interns came together to share about our internships and prayer requests and spend time in prayer for each other. The most powerful during the during the send off was hearing everyone's prayer requests and seeing how many people nodded along in agreement or asked to add that to their list, too. Even though I will be in ii with no one I know, I don't think I'll be lonely. There's something about knowing that there's 11 other people with the same knowledge you have freaking out about messing up on their research or doing something that's more harm than help. Knowing that they're going to share similar emotions and experiences that I will and knowing that they're praying for me as I am them just brings the most miraculous peace.
To my fellow interns: May God bless your hands and feet as you seek to serve Him using the education He blessed us with and may you do EVERYTHING for his glory. (and if you survived 460, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to handle your internships ;)
So, now it's on to my internship! it's so hard to believe! I'm still $300 short, but I know that the Lord will provide, as He always does. Friday evening, the Community Development department had a "Send-Off" event. Our 4 professors, 2 of the Chalmers Center staff, a senior in the major along with the 12 Junior interns came together to share about our internships and prayer requests and spend time in prayer for each other. The most powerful during the during the send off was hearing everyone's prayer requests and seeing how many people nodded along in agreement or asked to add that to their list, too. Even though I will be in ii with no one I know, I don't think I'll be lonely. There's something about knowing that there's 11 other people with the same knowledge you have freaking out about messing up on their research or doing something that's more harm than help. Knowing that they're going to share similar emotions and experiences that I will and knowing that they're praying for me as I am them just brings the most miraculous peace.
To my fellow interns: May God bless your hands and feet as you seek to serve Him using the education He blessed us with and may you do EVERYTHING for his glory. (and if you survived 460, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to handle your internships ;)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A place to call home
My housing has been figured out! I'll be spending the first 2 weeks with Rick and Yvonne Sawyer (the CEO of FCFC)and on June 1st, I'll be moving to this house (look at picture) with several other people who are working with urban ministries in Miami for the summer. Pray that I'll establish good relationships with those I'm living with and that we can support each other throughout our summer's of work.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)