beca y comunidad

Ok, so something I really haven't blogged about enough has been the FAAANTASTIC church small groups for young adults I've been attending. This group study has been one of the largest blessings from my entire summer for 2 reasons:

1. We're studying Tim Keller's book "Gospel in Life". During my studies last semester, I was so engrossed into the theory and practice of community development that I forgot the whole lot about the gospel work within that. This study has integrated both the heart of community development AND the gospel. Some of my favorite quotes from this book follow:

- "True virtue comes when you see Christ dying for you, keeping a promise he made despite the infinite suffering it brought him. On the one hand that destroys pride: he had to do this for us, because we were so lost. On the other hand it also destroys fear: because if he'd do this for us while we were his enemies, then he values us infinitely, and nothing we can do will wear out his love." 

- "In 2 Corinthians 8 and 9, Paul wants the people to give an offering to the poor. but, he doesn't put pressure directly on their will, saying, 'I'm an apostle and this is your duty,' nor pressure directly on their emotions, telling them stories about how much the poor are suffering and how much more they have than the sufferers. Instead, Paul vividly and unforgettably says, "you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich."  (yeah, kinda like what Dave and Clara said in their blogs.)

- "Live in a community where you don't let others carry their load alone. help others and let others help you. It's a form of hypocrisy to be willing to help others with their weaknesses but to hide your own or refuse help." (yeah, kinda convicting.)

The book has helped me in SO many ways! It's really helping me through my internship work as well as preparing to be an RA next year and continue to work in a community after graduating. 

2. The people. Oh my gosh. So, I think the reason why I'm homesick/school sick is because the people in my small group remind me a lot of my friends and family (I even discovered some of them are hard core about card games). They are wonderful! It's amazing to hear some of their stories and be able to encourage one another as well as challenge each other. I don't know the guys very well because the small group splits into girls and guys. But the girls are incredible and I LOVE being with them! Some of them are even doing development work here in Miami and have given me practical advice for the future. 

The reason I'm writing about the small group is because today we all went to have a bbq at the beach and it was SO GREAT! I leave you with some scenic pictures (sorry, I don't have any of the group because 6 other people were taking care of that). 

Yeah, all of the water was this clear. 

Like I said. Clear as crystal. 

Key Biscayne. Like the Sanibel Island of Miami.

The Downtown skyline of Miami.

The regular afternoon storm coming in. Pretty isn't it?

                                           Coral Gables.

Downtown to the right and a little bit of Coral Gables

Caliente OCHO!

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to WEEK 8 OF BECKY'S INTERNSHIP IN MIAMI! WHOOT! Sunday, I will have 4 weeks exactly left until I get to go to my blessed home and see familiar faces again. I'm not a fan of this "sending you out alone in a completely new place doing completely risky things...short term" thing. I'm ready to be back to familiarity because I know that even after 3 months here, it's still not enough time for me to be familiar with my lifestyle here.

I properly began my 8th week by hanging out with Sophy Beers. I took her to church on Sunday morning, and then we had lunch at her house. We had Monday off because it was the day after 4th of July (soooo American). I got to hang out some mo' with Miss Beers and we went to see Toy Story 3 together.

And now, I'm getting ready to go to interview numero 16. Annnddd, my tape recorder started the day off by being fussy and not working properly. It looks like it'll be ok now, but I just hope it holds up. Another thing that makes week 8 interesting, I'm moving back into the Door house after house/dog sitting in Homestead (a city just South of Miami) for the past 2 weeks. I really liked living in the Homestead house because it was well lived in and taken care of. Since the Door house is for temporary residents, it's a bit shabby. To a point where living in a non-renovated Carter dorm would be much more comfortable than the house. But I'm only here another month and a few days, so I should be able to handle it.

Also, I have a ton of free time at this point. I honestly don't understand why I'm going to still be here after next week, so I'm not looking forward to really having nothing to do with my time. What makes this even trickier is that I'm going to be leaving for RA training a few days after my internship. I've talked with some of the freshmen girls on my hall, I've been doing some required readings for the training and I'm really ready for that position to start. I'm ready for school to start in general. People have been encouraging me by saying things like "be in the present" but since there's not a lot in the present, it's difficult to be 100% focused on that.


On the more positive side of things, I'm well, God has provided and taken good care of me. I'm done with 2/3 of my internship and only have that last third to complete. I'm SO thankful for Sophy Beers being nearby, but not close enough for me to constantly be relying on her to socialize with me.

SO, Pray...
- that I'll still find joy and peace in my interviews, write-ups, and living situation.
- That my living situation might be more comfortable that it was before Homestead.
- That the last month goes by quickly
- That I can keep myself busy during the last 4 1/2 weeks here in Miami.

usted vivira una vida comoda

So, yesterday was a really long day, and around 5pm (the time I was leaving the office) I realized I hadn't really planned what I was going to eat for dinner. Before leaving, I googled "Chinese Food" and found a Panda Express a few blocks away from where I'm staying this week. And yes, I got Chinese food for dinner (mom would be proud). It was really a comfortable night. I ate Chinese while waiting for the rain to stop so I could walk the dog. I walked the dog and then just watched TV for the rest of the night. As I was thoroughly enjoying "So You Think You Can Dance?", I pulled out the fortune cookie and pulled out my fortune.
"You will live a comfortable life"

I scoffed at this at first. Really? I don't think I've been comfortable since I've been in Miami. I still feel like an outsider with no connections. But then I thought about this more. Could I really have a comfortable life and be a Com. Dev. major? I know it sounds like a ridiculous question to ask, but there's such a strong stereotype around our major. We're suppose to come back from our internships with dreadlocks and cornrows, we're supposed to only wear 2nd hand clothes, we're suppose to want to live in the ghetto neighborhoods or in unheard of villages and live the most simplest lives possible. I have nothing against this things, but they're far from comfortable. The question changed from could I live a comfortable life and work with the poor, to should I WANT to have a comfortable life?

I mean, to a degree, right? I don't want to live the way I've lived this summer, not knowing where I should fit in and how to get there. I hope that I could live in a place and lay out strong roots and feel comfortable biking around the neighborhood, going to the supermarket, and sitting at church on Sunday. But the work "comfortable" just sounds dangerous to me. And the conclusion I came to was this: in the social aspect of life, yes I want to be comfortable. But I'm a sojourner here. This is not the life I'm living for. Good thing it was just a fortune cookie.

In other news, I'm bored out of my mind! I have so much free time on my hands next month, it's INSANE! I might look for a place to volunteer on Saturdays because I will go crazy.

and here is a list of things that have been on my mind (aka the things I miss the most). Don't worry, there will be things here that I miss as well and that list will come at the end of the summer.

- having family around.
- Playing/singing/reading with Ruthee (my 2 yr. old niece)
- Watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" on Wed. and Thursday nights at the Johns' and during commercials, talking about what game we were going to play after the show.
- going to the Johns' in general.
- NOM NOM! (aka- dinner in the Great Hall at 5pm with the girls on my hall)
- Going to New City Fellowship on Sunday mornings (driving there and back with Ashley and Ben, teaching 5 year old Sunday school, and hearing Pastor Nabors preach)
- Having roommates around to do stuff with, even if it's just sitting around and talking.
- being able to quote shows and movies like Psych, Chuck, and Mean Girls* and have someone know what I'm talking about (* I have a roommate who's from Africa and she's white. Of course I'm going to quote Mean Girls)
- I miss having classes during the day to keep me busy and make me feel like I'm actually learning something. There are days here when I don't think I've learned anything at all.
- I miss having classes also because I always had friends in the class to socialize with (CDV 460: post-it note conversations with Jessica and Clara, Urban Poverty: lists of ridiculous things with Dave and Jess, Interpersonal Communications: Rashad and I being made fun of because we're "bad listeners"; Trexy and JM picking on each other; and Jess and I laughing a LOT!)
- I miss sitting in the Kresge Memorial Library in an unclaimed sip carrel until 12:45am constantly working on some form of homework and witnessing people snap into insanity (Scott dropping Beth on her head, plenty of chair races, random girl passing out brownies, Jessica Chen)

I'm not really homesick, I mean I am actively missing those things, but it's not overbearing. It actually keeps me motivated to finish week 7 strong. 5 more to go.

Haz el bien, no mires a quien

Swell, I'm officially past my half way mark (bien? eh...asi,asi. mostly because I'm behind in the homework side of things). During the past few weeks I've had loads of interviews with mentoring programs (14 to be exact). And it wasn't till Friday that things got, well, interesting. By Friday, I was SO BORED with the interviews. I had to do a phone interview with a very skeptical lady, I had 2 email me their answers to which I had to follow up because they didn't quite give the kind of answer I was looking for, and I was tired of driving around Miami to get to these of offices.

But, it's what I have to do. It's my only research. So, on Friday, I had 2 interviews. The first one was interesting because the lady's organization doesn't have a mentoring program anymore, they do after school tutoring. So, for consistency's sake, I asked the same questions I asked the other groups and then gave tweaked follow up questions to her specific case. The one later was when life got spicy. It was a larger organization I was interviewing, but my email/phone conversations with my contact there was really positive. He was all about this and was very friendly to me.

For those of you who have never tried setting up interviews with a group who does the same thing you do, kindness and trust does not come easily. Especially in the US, and especially in Miami. It was really rare to have a program director be so engaged in my project before the interview. So, you can imagine my excitement to met with someone who I wasn't going to have to sell my product to in order to get full participation.

I went in and he and a woman who was in charge of the mentors themselves greeted me. I started to explain to him who I was and who I worked for and what my work is.
Me:"Well, I'm a senior in college interning for the summer with Family and Children Faith Coal-"
Man:"Ooohhhh. faith based."
Me:"...umm....yes"
Man:"yeah, we're not affiliated with any religious groups."
Me:"..well, that doesn't really matter. You run a mentoring program. That's what I'm looking for"

It took me off guard because no other groups had made a verbal reaction to the organizations name (which, they're thinking about changing because the "Faith" part causes distrust and disinterest with potential partners). If anything, the interviewee would use the phrases like "Praise God!" or "They're a God-send" or "Pray" because of the "faith" part.

We finished the interview, no problem. He gave me 3 booklets of literature from their program and a DVD. I then explained to him the new addition to my research (volunteer booklet) and made the mistake (maybe not "mistake". Part of me wishes I hadn't said it) of mentioning FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) in my list of groups who might be interested in signing up for mentoring.

Man: Yeah, again, we don't do the religion thing because the last thing we want is for a kid to go home and say, "mommy, so and so told me I'm going to hell!"
Me: ...well, yeah! No one wants that! and even with our mentoring program there are boundaries to prevent that kind of thing from happening.
Man: I have 4 evangelical brothers who believe that every moment the have with someone is God telling them to preach to them. That's really the last thing we need on our hands to deal with.
My thoughts:well, I mean, God does put us in certain places. Does he mean outright verbal evangelism? or like, I can show this person kindness and love by helping them carry their stuff to the bus? If we were perfect, wouldn't we do the first? but since we aren't we do the second, right?
Me: well, yeah. I'm a Christian (that's the first time I've had to say that outloud on my internship) but I believe that sometimes the best way to show Christ's love is by actions. that, and you're too afraid most of the time to repeat John 3:16 to the Publix cashier
Man: Right, and that's just the extreme. Any kind of extreme is bad

I continued with the volunteer directory thing. Our conversation continued about the extremes of Christianity. The man told me about how ridiculous he thought Catholicism was (don't ever say that too loudly in Miami) because you do something wrong, tell another human what you did and everything's right with the world. The woman told me about her experience of going to Catholic school. Sorry, ECS, but my high school experience wasn't too far behind hers. Both were pretty legalistic. I told them that those things broke my heart because then there's an unrealistic standard people think Christians have and when they fall short of it, it's a huge deal. They agreed with my view.

Man: Here's the DVD. WATCH IT! It will make you cry and if it doesn't, you're not human, and you're definitely not a Christian. Haha.
Me: Not the first time someone has said that to me before.

I left the office and waited for the elevator, shaking because that was the FIRST time on my entire internship my faith has been brought up outside of church. It was unexpected and at first scary, but it was good to try giving views of real Christianity to 2 people who were obviously sick of religion.

It was a good conversation to have because I'm positive this will be a consistent problem post graduation.

...Seriamente?!?

WEEK 6 WEEK 6 WEEK 6 WEEK 6! tomorrow will be the half way-half way mark! un-freaking-believable.

Research:

I've gotten to the "love-hate" stage in my relationship with my research.
Love:
- it's simple. It's the same questions every time and only takes about 30 minutes for each interview.
- it's people based. and I like people.
- Some of the stuff I learn is SUPER interesting.
- It's well structured. there's not a lot of room for surprises, which is good because I don't like surprises.

Hate:
- it's the same questions every time.
- Some of the answers are pretty predictable "what are some of your programs needs?" "funding. funding funding funding, and um...funding funding funding funding. Donations would be great, and so would more money. funding funding funding."
- I'm misunderstood (go ahead, make a joke. now I'll explain). Secretaries of the program offices think I'm either 1. signing up to volunteer 2. asking for all the family secrets or 3. want to interview actual mentors. None of which are the case. I honestly had a woman tell me, "well, you don't want to talk with her, you want to talk with one of the actual mentors because they'll get you excited about mentoring and volunteering with us. She can't tell you that. She can only tell you about the structure of the program." no, no.
- Some organizations want me to interview 2 different people. which is dumb because the answers are still the same.
but, the Lord is teaching me patience with every day. And, Mary added a side project of creating a directory for volunteer organizations. That way volunteers can find a mentoring program that suits their needs.

Miami:
Ok, so the beautiful thing about Miami is how progressive it is. It changes with it's populations needs and the economy. This is good because if it sticked to some of the "old Florida" ways, it wouldn't be home to the diverse community that's here. Along those lines, I'm a huge fan of the compassion that's shown to the different people groups here. I say compassion and not tolerance because tolerance sounds like you're obligated to deal with it. Here, there's a concern for the well being of others regardless of ethnicity, economic status, religion or sexuality. For example, there are a lot of illegal immigrants here who run their own businesses. NO ONE goes to a flower stand and asks to see their papers before making a purchase. They pick up a bouquet of beautiful sunflowers and buy them. I love that very few people sit stewing about border protections, calling illegal immigrants "problems" like they're not human beings, like they only want to come to the US to screw all American citizens.

The problem is that because of it's progressiveness, there's a lot of grey area. Example, in July, there's a HUGE weekend event called "Aqua Girl" which is a GLBT event to raise money for breast cancer awareness and cures. I support the cause of breast cancer, but not the GLBT lifestyle, but at the same time the members of the GLBT community have hearts and it's not a sin for them to care for others. Another example of this is Hip Hop weekend (memorial day weekend) it brings unity to the African American community (especially the young adults and youth), but the crap that happens on that weekend is by no means healthy.

I got to talk with some of the women in my small group about Miami and it was interesting to hear about their struggles with loving the city. I remember certain friends and family members reaction to me going to Miami and it was instant concern about my well-being. A lot of people called me brave for coming here, but the main thing I'm afraid of is the way that satan has used the brokenness in the city to discourage and scare away God's bride.
I'm staying in Homestead (just south of Miami) for 2 weeks house/dog sitting. So my commute is longer, but it's nice living in a "family" house and not a house that no one is consistently living in. Plus, the dog is really sweet and keeps me company.

And for you other interns who find yourself with a lot of time alone, here is my list of suggestions:
- put on music and dance. I've been reading through the Psalms, and the whole dancing to praise the Lord thing amazes me. Put on some jams and busta move.
- Write someone a letter.
- I'm fortunate to have a piano in my house, so I sit down and play it when no one is around.
- Read a book out loud. A book you're reading for fun, not a depressing historical book (jessica) I suggest Lemony Snickett' Series of Unfortunate Events (no, it's not that depressing).
- Sit outside by the front door. I don't like doing this with other people around because it's kinda strange, but it's fun to people watch and just enjoy the weather.

oh, right and pray:
- patience. patience. patience. I'm at the point where I don't even think I have the patience to wait for patience.
- Joy in my interviews and write ups.
- Miami and the brothers and sisters in Christ who are called to work and live here.

Interviews, Jails, and postpartum depression

So, I've successfully conducted 3 interviews! I have another one today, and (buckle up!) SIX next week! I know a lot of the other interns have done like 50 interviews in one week, but that's a HUGE deal because I'm meeting with program directors, presidents and CEOs of these mentoring programs and a lot of them have summer programs they're starting, so it's pretty amazing that I have that many interviews in one week. I've got 2 scheduled for July, and a few more that I have to call later to schedule interviews with.

On Wednesday, I got to go on the Children of Inmates bus trip to the Everglades Correctional Institution. The bus trip is for the families of inmates there. COI brings a bunch of games, toys and food for lunch so it's not like a normal Saturday visit. This was a smaller group (about 14 kids) who went. Travis (the COI program director) had warned me to prepare myself to deal with my emotions in a professional way. So, I basically decided to keep my self busy setting stuff up and cleaning up after an activity so I wouldn't be able to focus on what was going on.

I want to tell you a little bit of what I saw. There was a little girl there who was in first grade. She walked in with one of the staff and looked at all of the inmates. The inmates were pretty quick to recognize their own kids, but none of them got up when this little girl came in. She looked at them curiously; we asked her, "Do you know which one is your dad?" She shook her head. We waited for her older brother to come in who saw his dad, and instantly gave him a huge hug. The little girl watched and slowly walked up to her brother's side. The brother introduced his little sister to their dad for the first time. The dad was so excited to meet her and was amazed by everything his daughter said and did. She never once called him "dad" but endearingly called him "him". I saw a man giving his 2 teenage daughters a serious talk about making decisions in life. I saw a man welcome his three sons by grabbing each of them and spinning them around in a tight embrace.

I can tell you these were heart wrenching scenes, but I didn't want to cry during any of them. Instead, I was glad to witness a bit of redemption in these horribly broken relationships. In my occupation, I'm surrounded by brokenness, and it's inevitably depressing. Seeing small acts of restoration (like a child who is forever affected by their father's decisions welcoming their dads with the words "I love you") makes the job oh so worthwhile.

On another plain, Jessica Chen (another Com. Dev. intern) and I had an interesting conversation about our negative feelings towards our internships. We basically came to a conclusion via analogy. The 12 interns have spent 9 months preparing for this summer. Preparing: meetings, physicals, emotional evaluations, applications, interviews, phone calls, emails, support letters, dealing with switches in locations and research designs, reading, and writing a huge research design paper (the process of which I described like giving birth to quadruplets, the only pain medication they're giving you is a flinstone vitamin, everyone around you yelling "they're coming!" but it's your fifth day in labor).

9 months of prayer requests and praises. "Pray that my visa comes!" a few days later, "My visa came!" and many others like this. We were all excited and curious about our summers, eagerly awaiting the day we departed. "I just want to be there!" was a common phrase said in the library during late night paper writing sessions by those of us who were sick of reading and writing about our internships and just wanted to be doing it.

And now, we're all on internships. The day came weeks ago, the 9 months of prep work all came down to this. But now, some of us (myself DEFINITELY included), don't want this anymore. "It's like postpartum depression!" Jessica said. I couldn't agree more, except we don't get arrested for child abuse or neglect. We get into this funk of homesickness, loneliness, cultural anxiety, etc. and end up calling what we used to call a blessing during those 9 months a curse. Ok, maybe not a curse per say, but definitely NOT a blessing.

So, fellow interns, I pray that God will give you the strength to wake up at 2am to comfort your screaming child of a summer. (in other words, May you have the eyes to see this summer as the original blessing we used to call it, no matter how freaking hard it gets).

Oh, right and pray for:
- interviews. That I can schedule the rest.
- wisdom. I don't know really what to put in my final report, but I have to have something.
- focus and love for my summer. and for the city of Miami.
- time to prepare for my position as RA in the fall. I'm still working on the balance of being focused on my work here in Miami, but I can NOT neglect preparing myself for a student leadership position.

Vaya con Dios!

La Vida Del Verano Interno

Estoy solo en una casa pacifica y estoy escuchando a Glee. Esto trabajara mejor con los puntos cortos.

- A/C IS BACK!!!!!!! It came back on in the afternoon on Wednesday! So, I'm back in the office with the resources I need at hand.

- I'm doing some of the home calls for Children of Inmates (trying to sign up families who have a member in the Everglades Correctional Institution for a bus trip there), but it's really hard to get a hold of these people and I have until MONDAY to get in touch with them AND get their paperwork submitted! It looks like be a caller for Admissions came in handy

- I send an email out about my research plan to the directors of the other mentoring programs and I got a LOT of responses! I mean, some said 'no, we don't mentor', but others said they looked forward to hearing from me! one agreed, but in exchange I have to help them set up a meeting with FCFC.

- one of those emails resulted in MY FIRST INTERVIEW! on MONDAY! with Big Brothers, Big Sisters! so I'm going to do my interview with Amachi mentoring first as practice for BBBS.

- God TOTALLY confirmed my choice of major! FCFC had someone from some corporate office of one of their grants come for 2 days and lead them in some brain storming exercise. The one I was invited to was an Asset Mapping exercise. They had a poster for the five asset categories (individuals, places, associations, institutions, and economic) and for an hour just wrote names down. I contributed a few, but my main job was helping them distinguish between associations and institutions. At one point, the head of COI (Travis), looks at me and goes, "You enjoying this?" and I replied, "oh, yeah!" and he said, "I could tell, you've been smiling this whole time".

- I came to terms with the uniqueness of my internship. I've been comparing myself to the other domestic interns, and started feeling bad when I wasn't as involved in the local community as they are. Then I realized that they have to do that for their research. For my research, I'm completely involved in mentoring programs (including trainings, matching events, grant writing, etc.). Which made me feel a LOT better about me reading an article about why men aren't interested in mentoring instead of sitting and talking with our neighbors (who only speak Spanish).

- I had a lovely dinner with the Mannuels! The Mannuels used to be at my church in Cape Coral years ago and they've been pastoring here in Miami. They gave me a lot of good information about the churches in Miami and the kind of work they tend to do.

- I had my first conversation in Spanish! it was with the store clerk at CVS.
"Hola, Como estas?"
"Bien, y tu?"
"No mal. Tienes un tarjeta de CVS?"
"Si, Aqui"
(silence as I pay by debit card)
me: "Grasias!"
"De nada!"

I know, it's out of like a 2nd graders text book, but I actually SAID those words! It was a major break through!

Ruegue:
- For friendships at the church I'm going to and the small group
- responses to the emails
- the bus trip to the jail is on Wednesday, 1-I'm going. 2- I need to get in touch with this families so they can come, too.
- Focus on the school work side of this internship. I've got papers and notes to type out and send but they're not nearly as exciting as interviewing or reading up on mentoring (or even studying Spanish, for that matter)

Vaya con Dios!