Adios Miami!

This will be my last blog post. I'm not done with my internship yet, but I only have 4 days left. During that time I have to finish my final written report, send out the final directory, and write a short paper for school. Today I gave the organization a final presentation of my findings and gave my personal 2 cents worth. It seemed to be received well, but I can only pray that God gives them wisdom to use that work the best way possible.

I have honestly learned way too much on my internship to make a list. Some things I'm still learning. All I can say is that I've grown a whole lot in so many different ways this summer and I'm thankful for that as a result of spending 12 weeks living and working in Miami. It's true that every year I've grown, I have found God bigger. After this summer, I don't think I could find God any bigger (but I'm sure I will).

The next chapter of my life is coming up so quickly: Senior year. I do not plan on pursuing more education after Covenant (I'm just not the studious type). I hope to find a job in community development or in ministry of some form. After being in Miami, I realized I could probably handle going internationally after the MASSIVE amount of cultural differences I observed here. Hopefully there will be an opening for financial literacy teachers in St. Louis.

I will leave you with one final all-encompassing thought: You remember that song from Prince of Egypt? The "Look at your life through heaven's eyes" one? Cheesy? yes.  But at random points that song has popped in my head ALL SUMMER. During my time in Miami, I was overwhelmed with the amount of problems here. There is SO much poverty and injustice and it takes on such incredible forms. How the heck am I, a single (as in 1) white female supposed to effect these monstrous issues of the city? Even though I haven't seen a direct fruit of my labor this summer (and probably never will), I take peace in knowing that I'm just a thread in the tapestry of the Kingdom of God. My work may seem small and insignificant, but that's were the great power of my God steps in and takes my small mentoring directory and uses it to further his kingdom.

Thank you all for your support during the trials and tribulations of my summer.

Love Love Love,
Becky Joy Valkenburg

8 days a week.

yep. 8 days left. Not much has changed from that to-do list. I'm making some great progress on the directory and the final report. I was really feeling good about getting 90% of the work done before Sunday. Then, I was asked to go on the Children of Inmates bus trip tomorrow. I really wanted to say "no" because I'm on a roll getting work done, but I said "yes" because I know it's a unique opportunity (and they already got me clearance from the prison).

So, tomorrow is going to be a super long day because I have to get up early to pick up some of the inmates' family, be at the prison from 10-3, and then go bowling (or something like it) for 2 hours afterwards and take the family home. Then I plan on going home, having dinner, and heading out to Starbucks for the night to finish some work. Saturday will be similar. I plan on getting up early (for a Saturday, that is) and working on my papers some more. I plan on taking a 2 hour break to go to local thrift stores hunting for an espresso machine so I can make Cafe Cubano and Cafe Con Leche at school.  and then writing some more.

It's been really great living with Yvonne the past couple of weeks. She knows SO much about community development and has worked on the legal and religious side of it. We have some great conversations together.

Ok. and here is the list we've all been waiting for...
THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT MIAMI:
1. My co-workers. They are beyond awesome! They've been so wonderful to me.
2. The cultural diversity. yeah, it's pretty unique how many cultures are active here and it has stopped surprising me. It doesn't exist in Cape Coral or Chattanooga
3. Hearing spanglish all the time.
4. Crossbridge Church and my Tuesday night small group. They've been a huge encouragement to me and have really helped me adjust to Miami.
5. Drinking Cafe Cubano almost every day and being dared to try drinking a 2nd cup.
6. How easy it is for me to find time alone. Yes, I don't like being alone 24/7 hence the complaints earlier one. but i like being able to just go up to my room and be alone when needed. I love how many people are around at home and school, but it's REALLY hard to get away from everyone (especially at school).
7. Being surrounded by like-minded people. Seriously, working in a non-profit community developing organization has spoiled me. I've rarely had to explain my work or major and everything I've learned from school has come into play here.

DIEZ!!!

the proper pronunciation of the title requires you to throw your hands up in the air and yell. That is how my 2 year old niece says "Diez".

Welp. 10 days left. I'm jamming to some old school 90's hits (thanks Destiny's Child) to keep myself focused and working. I only made it till 3pm before taking a break.

Here's the updated to do list.
- finish rough draft of directory
- write short paper topic 2
- write book review for RA training
- write short paper topic 5
- write weekly log week 11
- write critique of research design
- write final report
- write freshman on the hall letters
- make final presentation
- write weekly log week 12

6 things. 10 days. well, at least that's a positive ratio. I think I'd die if it was the other way around. As I was scribbling things down on post it notes, checking my planner every 5 minutes to make changes to it, and drinking Diet Coke, I realized I had this feeling before. It's stress. but not cultural, socially depressing stress like it's normally been this summer. No, it's the "Finals week" stress! EEEKK!

Seriously, The drive for caffeine, the dark eyes, the millions of post-it notes stuck all over every visible surface of my work area; it's the finals week of the summer. But! the good thing about this is that I don't remember much from past finals week and they went by really fast! So, hopefully that will be the case, but that also requires me to make about a dozen trips to Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts to make it through.

Continue praying for:
- focus, energy and perseverance. These papers are heinous to write because they have to be a certain length and in my context, sometimes I don't have that much to say on the subject. Thus, I never look forward to writing one of them and they take me twice as long to write than I expect.
- Oh um focus- that I don't check out of here mentally before getting into my packed car and driving home.
- the other interns. 2 of them are finishing their internship this week, 3 of us are finished next week, and the rest keep trickling home. For some, there's a lot of hours to spend traveling airport to airport, others are spending some hours in a car to get home. Pray for safety and health for them and perseverance and energy as well. I'm sure they're all just as eager as I am to be done with all this work.

alright NSYNC, let's get back to work.

cause when your..FIFTEEENNNN...

Yes, Taylor, that's right I am 15...15 days away from being done with my internship! Yowza!

I'm still trying to get those last 3 interviews in. You have no idea how many times I wish I was a Jedi Knight and could just wave my hand and say, "You will complete the interview"; instead, I'm begging and brown nosing these programs like crazy. Not as easy, or as much fun.

Besides that, I'm writing up my reports for the directory. It was hard at first, but I've gotten use to choppy, factual writing. I really have to be careful that none of my speculation or opinions of the programs get slipped into the directory and that I don't misrepresent their program. So, Yvonne has agreed to be my editor and once she checks them, I'm sending them out to the people I interviewed to make sure I got the facts straight.

Oh, and then the fun begins.

The schoolwork is kinda heavy for the end of the internship. I have 2 short papers to write, a critique of my research design, a written final report (which will be more of my general findings attached to the directory. That baby counts for something), an evaluation of the internship, and 2 more logs. it's like the finals week of summer (which, I believe, is an effect of the fall). The only difference is that 1. I have no kresge memorial library to go to and work in from the hours of 6pm-12:45am. 2. my other 11 classmates who are working on the papers and such are no where near me. There's something comforting about sitting next to someone who is working on the same project you are and you can just turn to them and a-complain "really? why, why?!" b- ask for help "Do you they want our personal opinion, or is this to be strictly quantitative?" and my personal favorite c-snap into insanity "If you really give a mouse a cookie, does he REALLY want a glass of milk? I heard rodents are lactose intolerant."

So it's really worse than finals week due to lack of familiarity and company, but it's better than finals week because it's only 1 class as opposed to 5.

PRAY:
- Again, patience with August 6th coming. It's only 16 days away, but it still feels like an eternity.
- Focus! Holy cow, it's easy for me to be distracted.
- Wisdom and sick awesome writing skills for this directory to be great.
- Worry and anxiety. Yep. there's a lot of it rooted in this directory because I could really hurt FCFC if I don't do it right. But it's also attached to my thoughts of reentry (even though I'm just 2.5 hour drive away) Miami is completely different from Cape Coral and Chatty, so it's going to be hard to go back to those places.

I finally know the right answer!

..y es NO bueno.

The set up: ok, so, when I've been introduced to someone here in Miami, here has been the typical conversation-

them: Oh, so are you from Miami?

me: no, I'm originally from Cape Coral, but I go to school in GA.

them: oh, what year are you?

me: I'll be a senior in August

them: what are you majoring in?

me: community development

them: ......hmm.....and, uh, what are you planning on doing after graduation? 

Now, my typical answer to this last question is something about how ideally I'd want to work in St. Louis and teach financial literacy to low-income adults.

but, my experience today has changed that answer to this

me: I plan on seeing a whole lot of screwed up relationships and being told heart breaking stories like they're the weather forecast and cry a lot because I know that I can not make any of that magically disappear. 

Today, Yvonne and I took her mentee and her mentee's best friend to church with us (oh, I moved back in with the Sawyer's for at least the next 2 weeks). When we got to church, Jessica (mentee) and Amaryllis (bf) got black coffee before we sat down. These girls are just starting middle school, and they drink black coffee. I didn't start my coffee addiction till junior year of high school and I refused to drink it black. I labeled it as something cultural, since both of them are Hispanic (Jessica is Puerto Rican and Amaryllis is Dominican). 

After church, we brought them back to the Sawyers' and had lunch with them. We started talking with them ; Half way through our conversation, I started to realize the weight of what these girls were saying about their realities. Amaryllis was telling Yvonne about her dad. He's a drug addict and is in Orlando for rehab; he calls her a few times a week and she always tells him that she never wants him to come back. Yvonne asked her why and she told us that he tells her that he loves her, but then he doesn't show it. "He yells at me, he is mean and rude to all of my friends, he steals from my mom" the list went on. 

Yvonne told the girls that the reality in life is that some people will say "I love you" but if their actions don't show it, it's not really love. She steered away from the drug-addict dad example, "like if you have a boyfriend that says he loves you but than hits you, he doesn't really love you." I was relieved thinking that now we're in the land of make believe- talking about situations that were hypothetical, not reality, for these girls. 

wrong. 

"Like my friend! She's only in 6th grade and she was dating this guy..." Jessica's story continued about her friends' abusive relationship and how it ended with the boy being beat by all the girls' friends. 

These 2 girls aren't even at the 1/2 point of their lives. When I was their age, my biggest concern was if this week's episode of Lizzie McGuire was going to be a rerun or not. In most of my interviews this summer, the interviewee mentioned some Cinderella story of a kid in their program to give a personal story of success. These weren't stories I asked for and they're not making it into the final report, but they still came up. After 23 stories of "They had no chance...look where they are now!", I guess my heart became dull to it. 

And that made me worry a bit. I realized that I picked a major that exists because of the vast amount and various kinds of poverty that exists. Have you ever heard a "good" story of poverty? one that doesn't make you want to punch a wall, nor sit against one crying? one that sparks hope for mankind? Well, these girls' stories did NOT make me feel better about life. How in the world am I supposed to be facing things like this every day post graduation? How in the world am I supposed to change the realities of young girls like Jessica and Amaryllis? How in the world am I supposed to get up out of my bed to face a world full of problems knowing that I CAN'T FIX THESE PROBLEMS?!

And then I see Dr. Fikkert, standing in front of my Theory of Community Development class yelling, "All you can do is drop to your knees everyday and PRAY for a MIRACLE to happen."

Followed by one of most powerful scriptures I've read this summer. 

"When the poor and needy seek water,

and there is none,

and their tongue is parched with thirst, 

I the LORD will answer them; 

I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys,

I will make the wilderness a pool of water, 

and the dry land springs of water.

I will put in the wilderness the ceder, the acacia, the myrtle and the olive.

I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together.

That they may see and know,

may consider and understand together,

that the hand of the LORD has done this,

the Holy One of Israel has created it." 

Isaiah 41:17-20

The prayer requests:

- focus, patience and perseverance. I have 18 days left in Miami and a lot to do. 

- Super specific, but one of my school papers requires me to interview 5 recipients of the programs, but that's really difficult for me to do because of the program I'm working for. So pray that something works out for this. 

- continued health and safety. 

una ciudad alterna

Man, I'm a bloggin' beast this week!

Again, I really couldn't wait to write about this topic because it pertains to something near and dear to my heart: Covenant College (No, I'm not sucking up because I'm an RA).

Last night I had my amazing small group meeting. After this weeks meeting I'm pretty convince that Tim Keller has read my soul. The title of this week's session was "An Alternate City" and was based on Acts 2:42-47:

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. ⁴³And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. ⁴⁴And all who believed were together and had all things in common. ⁴⁵And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. ⁴⁶And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, ⁴⁷praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.\


We were asked to describe how this Christian community had fellowship together. One of the girls in the group said that they lived close together, they ate together, they worshiped together, probably opened their houses literally (had the door open). I was imagining this community in my head and here was the image. A long narrow hall way with rooms side by side, doors partially or fully opened, girls wandering from room to room, someone yelling "Nom Nom!" and everyone filing down to dinner.

That's right, I'm pretty sure that scripture passage is a fairly accurate description of my experience of hall life at Covenant. I smiled at the thought of this, but I also wanted to cry because of how much I've missed it.

We continued our conversation. "Is it possible to have Christian fellowship everyday? why or why not?" The group kind of scoffed at this question, most of the girls said no. one of the girls asked, "has anyone had constant Christian fellowship everyday?"
yep.
I have.
For the past 3 academic years.
I realized how blessed I was to almost effortlessly accomplish Christian fellowship daily at Covenant.

So, Thank you Covenant, for giving me a vivid example of una ciudad alterna. I pray that I'll have the intentionality to continue that kind of fellowship in whatever community I live in post graduation.

Las razones para amar esta semana

I realize I just posted 2 days ago, but I need to let you all know about the abundant blessings I've already encountered this week.

Saturday night: I got to talk with Emily and Anna, 2 other interns who are working in Knoxville. It was so wonderful to hear their voices and their experiences and encouraging to know that they're just as ready to go home as I am. I forget that I have a phone that makes it possible to call someone up. Ridiculous, I know, but remember, I'm used to seeing these people 24/7 at school and have rarely called them just to talk.

I realized that I could actually leave Miami Friday Aug 6th as a opposed to waiting until Sunday. The reason is because I'm working with an organization that works normal office hours, so I have no choice but to be done with my work for them on Friday, if not earlier. So I'm planning on leaving 5pm on Friday for home. I know 2 days doesn't sound like a lot, especially when I've been timing things by the week, but it gives me another day to rest/ make hall decorations/ hang out with family and friends.

Sunday: The church I'm going to, Cross Bridge, is preaching through the book of James in the context of community (hola!). This week we looked at James 3:13-4:2 which talks about earthly wisdom vs. Godly wisdom. Pastor Philipe put this in the context of community and how our earthly wisdom stands in the way of community. We have envy and selfishness that hinders synergy between each other. He talked about how we need peace in order to create a community and we have to be the humble, serving peacemakers in order for that to happen (CDV majors: yes, he actually used the word "shalom"). It was great reminder for me that my calling is not to obligate a community to come together and to fix their problems, but I'm supposed to promote the work of God's Kingdom and his peace.

After church, I went to Coral Gables (kind of a more upscale down town Chattanooga) and walked around there and found myself in Barnes and Noble for a couple of hours reading "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix".

And SPAIN WON THE WORLD CUP! even though I'm Dutch, I HAD to cheer for Spain. I would have been run out of town if I didn't. Seriously, I passed a Thai restaurant that was all decked out in Spain gear.

Sunday night: I got to talk with some of my dearest friends from Covenant, also known as my past roommates. I was on the phone with them for 45 minutes and I got to yell and laugh with them. I miss sitting around and just laughing with my friends. It just doesn't happen as often here. Dear Covenant friends, I wish I could honestly predict my reaction to seeing you for the first time since May, but I'm either going to tackle you to the ground, or I'm just going to stand there and cry at the sight of your face. be prepared.

Monday: I started working on my final report!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Once that baby's done, I'm done! no mas research! holy cow!

I also got to talk with my sister who told me a humorous story. Her and her husband and daughter where driving back from Kansas and they passed through Chattanooga. She pointed out Lookout Mountain to Ruthee (my 2 1/2 year old niece) and said, "That's where Becky goes to college" Ruthee asked "Is she there now?" Beth said, "No, she's in Miami." Ruthee replies, "No, mama, she's in HER-ami."
totally made my day.

On top of ALL that joy within the past 2 days, one of my old roommates told me that she and I have 2 free tickets to DISNEY WORLD! We did the whole, give a day, get a day thing and are going to be there sometime during fall break.

The whole point of me posting this is just to keep me smiling throughout this week. It's my last week in the door house and then I'm moving back in with the Sawyers. I'm looking forward to some bonding time with Yvonne, since it will just be me and her in the house for 2 weeks.

PRAY:
- perseverance, especially when I have down time.
- things to do, I'm quickly running out of ways to keep me busy
- patience as I wait for my end date to come.
- That I can make the most of my little time left here in HER ami.

beca y comunidad

Ok, so something I really haven't blogged about enough has been the FAAANTASTIC church small groups for young adults I've been attending. This group study has been one of the largest blessings from my entire summer for 2 reasons:

1. We're studying Tim Keller's book "Gospel in Life". During my studies last semester, I was so engrossed into the theory and practice of community development that I forgot the whole lot about the gospel work within that. This study has integrated both the heart of community development AND the gospel. Some of my favorite quotes from this book follow:

- "True virtue comes when you see Christ dying for you, keeping a promise he made despite the infinite suffering it brought him. On the one hand that destroys pride: he had to do this for us, because we were so lost. On the other hand it also destroys fear: because if he'd do this for us while we were his enemies, then he values us infinitely, and nothing we can do will wear out his love." 

- "In 2 Corinthians 8 and 9, Paul wants the people to give an offering to the poor. but, he doesn't put pressure directly on their will, saying, 'I'm an apostle and this is your duty,' nor pressure directly on their emotions, telling them stories about how much the poor are suffering and how much more they have than the sufferers. Instead, Paul vividly and unforgettably says, "you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich."  (yeah, kinda like what Dave and Clara said in their blogs.)

- "Live in a community where you don't let others carry their load alone. help others and let others help you. It's a form of hypocrisy to be willing to help others with their weaknesses but to hide your own or refuse help." (yeah, kinda convicting.)

The book has helped me in SO many ways! It's really helping me through my internship work as well as preparing to be an RA next year and continue to work in a community after graduating. 

2. The people. Oh my gosh. So, I think the reason why I'm homesick/school sick is because the people in my small group remind me a lot of my friends and family (I even discovered some of them are hard core about card games). They are wonderful! It's amazing to hear some of their stories and be able to encourage one another as well as challenge each other. I don't know the guys very well because the small group splits into girls and guys. But the girls are incredible and I LOVE being with them! Some of them are even doing development work here in Miami and have given me practical advice for the future. 

The reason I'm writing about the small group is because today we all went to have a bbq at the beach and it was SO GREAT! I leave you with some scenic pictures (sorry, I don't have any of the group because 6 other people were taking care of that). 

Yeah, all of the water was this clear. 

Like I said. Clear as crystal. 

Key Biscayne. Like the Sanibel Island of Miami.

The Downtown skyline of Miami.

The regular afternoon storm coming in. Pretty isn't it?

                                           Coral Gables.

Downtown to the right and a little bit of Coral Gables

Caliente OCHO!

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to WEEK 8 OF BECKY'S INTERNSHIP IN MIAMI! WHOOT! Sunday, I will have 4 weeks exactly left until I get to go to my blessed home and see familiar faces again. I'm not a fan of this "sending you out alone in a completely new place doing completely risky things...short term" thing. I'm ready to be back to familiarity because I know that even after 3 months here, it's still not enough time for me to be familiar with my lifestyle here.

I properly began my 8th week by hanging out with Sophy Beers. I took her to church on Sunday morning, and then we had lunch at her house. We had Monday off because it was the day after 4th of July (soooo American). I got to hang out some mo' with Miss Beers and we went to see Toy Story 3 together.

And now, I'm getting ready to go to interview numero 16. Annnddd, my tape recorder started the day off by being fussy and not working properly. It looks like it'll be ok now, but I just hope it holds up. Another thing that makes week 8 interesting, I'm moving back into the Door house after house/dog sitting in Homestead (a city just South of Miami) for the past 2 weeks. I really liked living in the Homestead house because it was well lived in and taken care of. Since the Door house is for temporary residents, it's a bit shabby. To a point where living in a non-renovated Carter dorm would be much more comfortable than the house. But I'm only here another month and a few days, so I should be able to handle it.

Also, I have a ton of free time at this point. I honestly don't understand why I'm going to still be here after next week, so I'm not looking forward to really having nothing to do with my time. What makes this even trickier is that I'm going to be leaving for RA training a few days after my internship. I've talked with some of the freshmen girls on my hall, I've been doing some required readings for the training and I'm really ready for that position to start. I'm ready for school to start in general. People have been encouraging me by saying things like "be in the present" but since there's not a lot in the present, it's difficult to be 100% focused on that.


On the more positive side of things, I'm well, God has provided and taken good care of me. I'm done with 2/3 of my internship and only have that last third to complete. I'm SO thankful for Sophy Beers being nearby, but not close enough for me to constantly be relying on her to socialize with me.

SO, Pray...
- that I'll still find joy and peace in my interviews, write-ups, and living situation.
- That my living situation might be more comfortable that it was before Homestead.
- That the last month goes by quickly
- That I can keep myself busy during the last 4 1/2 weeks here in Miami.

usted vivira una vida comoda

So, yesterday was a really long day, and around 5pm (the time I was leaving the office) I realized I hadn't really planned what I was going to eat for dinner. Before leaving, I googled "Chinese Food" and found a Panda Express a few blocks away from where I'm staying this week. And yes, I got Chinese food for dinner (mom would be proud). It was really a comfortable night. I ate Chinese while waiting for the rain to stop so I could walk the dog. I walked the dog and then just watched TV for the rest of the night. As I was thoroughly enjoying "So You Think You Can Dance?", I pulled out the fortune cookie and pulled out my fortune.
"You will live a comfortable life"

I scoffed at this at first. Really? I don't think I've been comfortable since I've been in Miami. I still feel like an outsider with no connections. But then I thought about this more. Could I really have a comfortable life and be a Com. Dev. major? I know it sounds like a ridiculous question to ask, but there's such a strong stereotype around our major. We're suppose to come back from our internships with dreadlocks and cornrows, we're supposed to only wear 2nd hand clothes, we're suppose to want to live in the ghetto neighborhoods or in unheard of villages and live the most simplest lives possible. I have nothing against this things, but they're far from comfortable. The question changed from could I live a comfortable life and work with the poor, to should I WANT to have a comfortable life?

I mean, to a degree, right? I don't want to live the way I've lived this summer, not knowing where I should fit in and how to get there. I hope that I could live in a place and lay out strong roots and feel comfortable biking around the neighborhood, going to the supermarket, and sitting at church on Sunday. But the work "comfortable" just sounds dangerous to me. And the conclusion I came to was this: in the social aspect of life, yes I want to be comfortable. But I'm a sojourner here. This is not the life I'm living for. Good thing it was just a fortune cookie.

In other news, I'm bored out of my mind! I have so much free time on my hands next month, it's INSANE! I might look for a place to volunteer on Saturdays because I will go crazy.

and here is a list of things that have been on my mind (aka the things I miss the most). Don't worry, there will be things here that I miss as well and that list will come at the end of the summer.

- having family around.
- Playing/singing/reading with Ruthee (my 2 yr. old niece)
- Watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" on Wed. and Thursday nights at the Johns' and during commercials, talking about what game we were going to play after the show.
- going to the Johns' in general.
- NOM NOM! (aka- dinner in the Great Hall at 5pm with the girls on my hall)
- Going to New City Fellowship on Sunday mornings (driving there and back with Ashley and Ben, teaching 5 year old Sunday school, and hearing Pastor Nabors preach)
- Having roommates around to do stuff with, even if it's just sitting around and talking.
- being able to quote shows and movies like Psych, Chuck, and Mean Girls* and have someone know what I'm talking about (* I have a roommate who's from Africa and she's white. Of course I'm going to quote Mean Girls)
- I miss having classes during the day to keep me busy and make me feel like I'm actually learning something. There are days here when I don't think I've learned anything at all.
- I miss having classes also because I always had friends in the class to socialize with (CDV 460: post-it note conversations with Jessica and Clara, Urban Poverty: lists of ridiculous things with Dave and Jess, Interpersonal Communications: Rashad and I being made fun of because we're "bad listeners"; Trexy and JM picking on each other; and Jess and I laughing a LOT!)
- I miss sitting in the Kresge Memorial Library in an unclaimed sip carrel until 12:45am constantly working on some form of homework and witnessing people snap into insanity (Scott dropping Beth on her head, plenty of chair races, random girl passing out brownies, Jessica Chen)

I'm not really homesick, I mean I am actively missing those things, but it's not overbearing. It actually keeps me motivated to finish week 7 strong. 5 more to go.

Haz el bien, no mires a quien

Swell, I'm officially past my half way mark (bien? eh...asi,asi. mostly because I'm behind in the homework side of things). During the past few weeks I've had loads of interviews with mentoring programs (14 to be exact). And it wasn't till Friday that things got, well, interesting. By Friday, I was SO BORED with the interviews. I had to do a phone interview with a very skeptical lady, I had 2 email me their answers to which I had to follow up because they didn't quite give the kind of answer I was looking for, and I was tired of driving around Miami to get to these of offices.

But, it's what I have to do. It's my only research. So, on Friday, I had 2 interviews. The first one was interesting because the lady's organization doesn't have a mentoring program anymore, they do after school tutoring. So, for consistency's sake, I asked the same questions I asked the other groups and then gave tweaked follow up questions to her specific case. The one later was when life got spicy. It was a larger organization I was interviewing, but my email/phone conversations with my contact there was really positive. He was all about this and was very friendly to me.

For those of you who have never tried setting up interviews with a group who does the same thing you do, kindness and trust does not come easily. Especially in the US, and especially in Miami. It was really rare to have a program director be so engaged in my project before the interview. So, you can imagine my excitement to met with someone who I wasn't going to have to sell my product to in order to get full participation.

I went in and he and a woman who was in charge of the mentors themselves greeted me. I started to explain to him who I was and who I worked for and what my work is.
Me:"Well, I'm a senior in college interning for the summer with Family and Children Faith Coal-"
Man:"Ooohhhh. faith based."
Me:"...umm....yes"
Man:"yeah, we're not affiliated with any religious groups."
Me:"..well, that doesn't really matter. You run a mentoring program. That's what I'm looking for"

It took me off guard because no other groups had made a verbal reaction to the organizations name (which, they're thinking about changing because the "Faith" part causes distrust and disinterest with potential partners). If anything, the interviewee would use the phrases like "Praise God!" or "They're a God-send" or "Pray" because of the "faith" part.

We finished the interview, no problem. He gave me 3 booklets of literature from their program and a DVD. I then explained to him the new addition to my research (volunteer booklet) and made the mistake (maybe not "mistake". Part of me wishes I hadn't said it) of mentioning FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) in my list of groups who might be interested in signing up for mentoring.

Man: Yeah, again, we don't do the religion thing because the last thing we want is for a kid to go home and say, "mommy, so and so told me I'm going to hell!"
Me: ...well, yeah! No one wants that! and even with our mentoring program there are boundaries to prevent that kind of thing from happening.
Man: I have 4 evangelical brothers who believe that every moment the have with someone is God telling them to preach to them. That's really the last thing we need on our hands to deal with.
My thoughts:well, I mean, God does put us in certain places. Does he mean outright verbal evangelism? or like, I can show this person kindness and love by helping them carry their stuff to the bus? If we were perfect, wouldn't we do the first? but since we aren't we do the second, right?
Me: well, yeah. I'm a Christian (that's the first time I've had to say that outloud on my internship) but I believe that sometimes the best way to show Christ's love is by actions. that, and you're too afraid most of the time to repeat John 3:16 to the Publix cashier
Man: Right, and that's just the extreme. Any kind of extreme is bad

I continued with the volunteer directory thing. Our conversation continued about the extremes of Christianity. The man told me about how ridiculous he thought Catholicism was (don't ever say that too loudly in Miami) because you do something wrong, tell another human what you did and everything's right with the world. The woman told me about her experience of going to Catholic school. Sorry, ECS, but my high school experience wasn't too far behind hers. Both were pretty legalistic. I told them that those things broke my heart because then there's an unrealistic standard people think Christians have and when they fall short of it, it's a huge deal. They agreed with my view.

Man: Here's the DVD. WATCH IT! It will make you cry and if it doesn't, you're not human, and you're definitely not a Christian. Haha.
Me: Not the first time someone has said that to me before.

I left the office and waited for the elevator, shaking because that was the FIRST time on my entire internship my faith has been brought up outside of church. It was unexpected and at first scary, but it was good to try giving views of real Christianity to 2 people who were obviously sick of religion.

It was a good conversation to have because I'm positive this will be a consistent problem post graduation.

...Seriamente?!?

WEEK 6 WEEK 6 WEEK 6 WEEK 6! tomorrow will be the half way-half way mark! un-freaking-believable.

Research:

I've gotten to the "love-hate" stage in my relationship with my research.
Love:
- it's simple. It's the same questions every time and only takes about 30 minutes for each interview.
- it's people based. and I like people.
- Some of the stuff I learn is SUPER interesting.
- It's well structured. there's not a lot of room for surprises, which is good because I don't like surprises.

Hate:
- it's the same questions every time.
- Some of the answers are pretty predictable "what are some of your programs needs?" "funding. funding funding funding, and um...funding funding funding funding. Donations would be great, and so would more money. funding funding funding."
- I'm misunderstood (go ahead, make a joke. now I'll explain). Secretaries of the program offices think I'm either 1. signing up to volunteer 2. asking for all the family secrets or 3. want to interview actual mentors. None of which are the case. I honestly had a woman tell me, "well, you don't want to talk with her, you want to talk with one of the actual mentors because they'll get you excited about mentoring and volunteering with us. She can't tell you that. She can only tell you about the structure of the program." no, no.
- Some organizations want me to interview 2 different people. which is dumb because the answers are still the same.
but, the Lord is teaching me patience with every day. And, Mary added a side project of creating a directory for volunteer organizations. That way volunteers can find a mentoring program that suits their needs.

Miami:
Ok, so the beautiful thing about Miami is how progressive it is. It changes with it's populations needs and the economy. This is good because if it sticked to some of the "old Florida" ways, it wouldn't be home to the diverse community that's here. Along those lines, I'm a huge fan of the compassion that's shown to the different people groups here. I say compassion and not tolerance because tolerance sounds like you're obligated to deal with it. Here, there's a concern for the well being of others regardless of ethnicity, economic status, religion or sexuality. For example, there are a lot of illegal immigrants here who run their own businesses. NO ONE goes to a flower stand and asks to see their papers before making a purchase. They pick up a bouquet of beautiful sunflowers and buy them. I love that very few people sit stewing about border protections, calling illegal immigrants "problems" like they're not human beings, like they only want to come to the US to screw all American citizens.

The problem is that because of it's progressiveness, there's a lot of grey area. Example, in July, there's a HUGE weekend event called "Aqua Girl" which is a GLBT event to raise money for breast cancer awareness and cures. I support the cause of breast cancer, but not the GLBT lifestyle, but at the same time the members of the GLBT community have hearts and it's not a sin for them to care for others. Another example of this is Hip Hop weekend (memorial day weekend) it brings unity to the African American community (especially the young adults and youth), but the crap that happens on that weekend is by no means healthy.

I got to talk with some of the women in my small group about Miami and it was interesting to hear about their struggles with loving the city. I remember certain friends and family members reaction to me going to Miami and it was instant concern about my well-being. A lot of people called me brave for coming here, but the main thing I'm afraid of is the way that satan has used the brokenness in the city to discourage and scare away God's bride.
I'm staying in Homestead (just south of Miami) for 2 weeks house/dog sitting. So my commute is longer, but it's nice living in a "family" house and not a house that no one is consistently living in. Plus, the dog is really sweet and keeps me company.

And for you other interns who find yourself with a lot of time alone, here is my list of suggestions:
- put on music and dance. I've been reading through the Psalms, and the whole dancing to praise the Lord thing amazes me. Put on some jams and busta move.
- Write someone a letter.
- I'm fortunate to have a piano in my house, so I sit down and play it when no one is around.
- Read a book out loud. A book you're reading for fun, not a depressing historical book (jessica) I suggest Lemony Snickett' Series of Unfortunate Events (no, it's not that depressing).
- Sit outside by the front door. I don't like doing this with other people around because it's kinda strange, but it's fun to people watch and just enjoy the weather.

oh, right and pray:
- patience. patience. patience. I'm at the point where I don't even think I have the patience to wait for patience.
- Joy in my interviews and write ups.
- Miami and the brothers and sisters in Christ who are called to work and live here.

Interviews, Jails, and postpartum depression

So, I've successfully conducted 3 interviews! I have another one today, and (buckle up!) SIX next week! I know a lot of the other interns have done like 50 interviews in one week, but that's a HUGE deal because I'm meeting with program directors, presidents and CEOs of these mentoring programs and a lot of them have summer programs they're starting, so it's pretty amazing that I have that many interviews in one week. I've got 2 scheduled for July, and a few more that I have to call later to schedule interviews with.

On Wednesday, I got to go on the Children of Inmates bus trip to the Everglades Correctional Institution. The bus trip is for the families of inmates there. COI brings a bunch of games, toys and food for lunch so it's not like a normal Saturday visit. This was a smaller group (about 14 kids) who went. Travis (the COI program director) had warned me to prepare myself to deal with my emotions in a professional way. So, I basically decided to keep my self busy setting stuff up and cleaning up after an activity so I wouldn't be able to focus on what was going on.

I want to tell you a little bit of what I saw. There was a little girl there who was in first grade. She walked in with one of the staff and looked at all of the inmates. The inmates were pretty quick to recognize their own kids, but none of them got up when this little girl came in. She looked at them curiously; we asked her, "Do you know which one is your dad?" She shook her head. We waited for her older brother to come in who saw his dad, and instantly gave him a huge hug. The little girl watched and slowly walked up to her brother's side. The brother introduced his little sister to their dad for the first time. The dad was so excited to meet her and was amazed by everything his daughter said and did. She never once called him "dad" but endearingly called him "him". I saw a man giving his 2 teenage daughters a serious talk about making decisions in life. I saw a man welcome his three sons by grabbing each of them and spinning them around in a tight embrace.

I can tell you these were heart wrenching scenes, but I didn't want to cry during any of them. Instead, I was glad to witness a bit of redemption in these horribly broken relationships. In my occupation, I'm surrounded by brokenness, and it's inevitably depressing. Seeing small acts of restoration (like a child who is forever affected by their father's decisions welcoming their dads with the words "I love you") makes the job oh so worthwhile.

On another plain, Jessica Chen (another Com. Dev. intern) and I had an interesting conversation about our negative feelings towards our internships. We basically came to a conclusion via analogy. The 12 interns have spent 9 months preparing for this summer. Preparing: meetings, physicals, emotional evaluations, applications, interviews, phone calls, emails, support letters, dealing with switches in locations and research designs, reading, and writing a huge research design paper (the process of which I described like giving birth to quadruplets, the only pain medication they're giving you is a flinstone vitamin, everyone around you yelling "they're coming!" but it's your fifth day in labor).

9 months of prayer requests and praises. "Pray that my visa comes!" a few days later, "My visa came!" and many others like this. We were all excited and curious about our summers, eagerly awaiting the day we departed. "I just want to be there!" was a common phrase said in the library during late night paper writing sessions by those of us who were sick of reading and writing about our internships and just wanted to be doing it.

And now, we're all on internships. The day came weeks ago, the 9 months of prep work all came down to this. But now, some of us (myself DEFINITELY included), don't want this anymore. "It's like postpartum depression!" Jessica said. I couldn't agree more, except we don't get arrested for child abuse or neglect. We get into this funk of homesickness, loneliness, cultural anxiety, etc. and end up calling what we used to call a blessing during those 9 months a curse. Ok, maybe not a curse per say, but definitely NOT a blessing.

So, fellow interns, I pray that God will give you the strength to wake up at 2am to comfort your screaming child of a summer. (in other words, May you have the eyes to see this summer as the original blessing we used to call it, no matter how freaking hard it gets).

Oh, right and pray for:
- interviews. That I can schedule the rest.
- wisdom. I don't know really what to put in my final report, but I have to have something.
- focus and love for my summer. and for the city of Miami.
- time to prepare for my position as RA in the fall. I'm still working on the balance of being focused on my work here in Miami, but I can NOT neglect preparing myself for a student leadership position.

Vaya con Dios!

La Vida Del Verano Interno

Estoy solo en una casa pacifica y estoy escuchando a Glee. Esto trabajara mejor con los puntos cortos.

- A/C IS BACK!!!!!!! It came back on in the afternoon on Wednesday! So, I'm back in the office with the resources I need at hand.

- I'm doing some of the home calls for Children of Inmates (trying to sign up families who have a member in the Everglades Correctional Institution for a bus trip there), but it's really hard to get a hold of these people and I have until MONDAY to get in touch with them AND get their paperwork submitted! It looks like be a caller for Admissions came in handy

- I send an email out about my research plan to the directors of the other mentoring programs and I got a LOT of responses! I mean, some said 'no, we don't mentor', but others said they looked forward to hearing from me! one agreed, but in exchange I have to help them set up a meeting with FCFC.

- one of those emails resulted in MY FIRST INTERVIEW! on MONDAY! with Big Brothers, Big Sisters! so I'm going to do my interview with Amachi mentoring first as practice for BBBS.

- God TOTALLY confirmed my choice of major! FCFC had someone from some corporate office of one of their grants come for 2 days and lead them in some brain storming exercise. The one I was invited to was an Asset Mapping exercise. They had a poster for the five asset categories (individuals, places, associations, institutions, and economic) and for an hour just wrote names down. I contributed a few, but my main job was helping them distinguish between associations and institutions. At one point, the head of COI (Travis), looks at me and goes, "You enjoying this?" and I replied, "oh, yeah!" and he said, "I could tell, you've been smiling this whole time".

- I came to terms with the uniqueness of my internship. I've been comparing myself to the other domestic interns, and started feeling bad when I wasn't as involved in the local community as they are. Then I realized that they have to do that for their research. For my research, I'm completely involved in mentoring programs (including trainings, matching events, grant writing, etc.). Which made me feel a LOT better about me reading an article about why men aren't interested in mentoring instead of sitting and talking with our neighbors (who only speak Spanish).

- I had a lovely dinner with the Mannuels! The Mannuels used to be at my church in Cape Coral years ago and they've been pastoring here in Miami. They gave me a lot of good information about the churches in Miami and the kind of work they tend to do.

- I had my first conversation in Spanish! it was with the store clerk at CVS.
"Hola, Como estas?"
"Bien, y tu?"
"No mal. Tienes un tarjeta de CVS?"
"Si, Aqui"
(silence as I pay by debit card)
me: "Grasias!"
"De nada!"

I know, it's out of like a 2nd graders text book, but I actually SAID those words! It was a major break through!

Ruegue:
- For friendships at the church I'm going to and the small group
- responses to the emails
- the bus trip to the jail is on Wednesday, 1-I'm going. 2- I need to get in touch with this families so they can come, too.
- Focus on the school work side of this internship. I've got papers and notes to type out and send but they're not nearly as exciting as interviewing or reading up on mentoring (or even studying Spanish, for that matter)

Vaya con Dios!

Sentada,Espera, que Deseen

It's been over a week and the office is still closed due to no a/c. I wanted to tell everyone that people in other countries can function in 92 degree weather with no air, but I don't think I have that much power in the office. We're trying to make due by keeping up via email, phone calls, starbucks meetings, but it's really difficult to do. My supervisor suggested that I email my professor and tell him about this delay and the potential delay that the hurricane season could bring. It's suppose to by a high active hurricane season. My initial response to hearing that? KA-RAP!

God is teaching me a lot on this internship and everytime I learn something I ask, "But did you REALLY have to go about it this way? couldn't it have been easier?" guess not.

There's honestly only one lesson God is teaching me here but it has SO many dynamics that almost every situation I've been in for the past month falls back on me learning.....
TO TRUST GOD!
Really, it's that basic! but I'm obviously not getting it! It's like I'm building my house on, well, not sand, cause I KNOW that's no good, but instead of the rock, I'm going for wooden pillars that hoist my house above the rock, so I'm not really touching the rock, but it's somewhere underneath me (just go with it for a second).

So these wooden pillars are things like, friends, kids, constant internet access, daily work to be done, and the idea that I need a husband to survive post college (thanks college).

God looked at the husband thing first, and sent me to a CCDA women's retreat/conference session with ELIZABETH PERKINS! Yep, that's John Perkins' daughter and I got to shake her hand! ***Note: None CDV folks- John Perkins is called the Father of Community Development. He is freakin' AMAZING!***
The session was called "Saved, Satisfied, and Single" and we talked about being single in ministry. It was so good to hear these women who are older than me talk about their experiences. the lesson learned was basically that Christ is MY first husband and I will (well, should) ALWAYS seek to serve him and please him first. Because I have this wonderful relationship with Christ, marriage is just the cherry on the cake, and that cherry has a pit and stem, but the cake is so rich. One wooden pillar burned.

The next one God took down was daily work. It has been ONE WEEK since I've been aloud back in the office to work because our freaking A/C still doesn't work! I've got cabin fever now and I'm trying to work past not being in the office with the staff who I need to talk to. The folks at FCFC are really my only relationships in Miami, so I'm missing my daily dose of socializing.
Pillar number 2, come on down!

oh, yeah, friends, kids and constant internet connection kind of boil down into my need to interact and socialize with people. If I'm a new person to you, I'm an extreme extrovert and need other people to survive. Well, I don't have internet at the house, I don't have friends in Miami (except folks in the office), and I'm going through child withdrawal. I was SO lonely on Sunday and Monday. Sunday night I went to bed at 9:30am because there was nothing better for me to do. I woke up in the morning and called my mom crying about how alone I am. She told me she was in the same place when she went into the army. She reminded me that I'm never alone and God is at my right hand and this is just His way of drawing my attention to that. "It's going to hurt!" she said. And it does, but pillar number 3,4,and 5, DOWN FOR THE COUNT!

So now my house has COLLAPSED onto the rock, and yeah, it HURT! but I've found so much peace and comfort here. God even gave me the gift of a young adults small group to attend on Tuesday nights at a local church! It was SO great! they're studying a Tim Keller book and a couple of the girls there are doing community development in Miami, another girl is my age and goes to FSU and will be a House Assitant (the same thing as an RA in Covenant terms). Oh, and My parents sent me a baby Orchid as a reminder of how loved I am. I named it Adler (and all the com. dev. majors laugh).

Things I've learned:
- She comes from a family of 7, went into the army, has survived raising 3 children, has worked in a maternity ward, nursing home, and elementary and middle school, how come I didn't realize how AWESOME my mom is until I turned 21?
- I will be the most aggressive driver in all of Chattanooga because of this summer. It's really interesting because people aren't angry drivers, they let you cut them off, and push your way into the lane.

Prayer Requests
- 2 words: AIR CONDITIONING!
- 2 more words: HURRICANE SEASON! it's suppose to be SUPER active this summer! pray them away!
- Good friendships through this small group.

Vaya con Dios!

and then things started getting weird

So, This week, I've spend less than 1/3 of my time in the offices because
1. I volunteered at the CCDA women's RE conference (my host was the one who suggested it)
2. I moved into the Door house
3. we still have no air conditioning, so they've been closing super early

the women's conference was great! I made some connections with Urban Youth Workers Initiative. The coolest part was meeting Amber, the photographer. She's working with Guatamalan immigrants in West Palm. She was so cool! and she asked for my advice about how to get college students to intern with her organization.

yes, I made the move. I'm living with 2 males (an older brazilian man, and a recent college grad) and 2 other girls are moving in tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, it's awkward. I'm sure God will get me through it, and the house is well divided, so I do have a lot of privacy. It's much closer to my offices (I might consider biking there), and we're a few blocks West of Little Havana.

Yeah, no air conditioning. The office got to be 92 degrees yesterday, so we all went home around 1pm. They cancelled work today (which was great because I was supposed to be at the conference). Hopefully, by Tuesday it will be fixed.

Observations:
- There aren't any cameras on the stoplights. I couldn't figure out why, until I started noticing what the yellow light means. Slow down? no, no. keep going at your normal pace and pull out as far as you can if you have to turn so you're blocking the traffic that has the green light.

- Everyone speaks Spanish to me first, even though I'm white. Have I replied in Spanish? no. I probably should try this to get some rapport going.

- McDonalds in Miami have "Cafe Con Leche" on their menus.

- I still don't know what kind of music to listen to because there's the meriachi band style, the spanish celine dion style, and the spanish rap.

Good Stuff:
- Once we get back into air conditioning, I'm meeting with Mary and Yvonne to get a check on my formula for interviews and will start calling to set them up.
- One of my REALLY good friends called me yesterday. She mentioned John 15 about Christ being the vines, and we are his branches. She encouraged me to be in Christ everyday.
- One of my housemates is writing a book on being anti-college. He asked me to estimate how much information I've learned at Covenant I could have learned by reading books or from the internet. I said 30%. He didn't believe me. I completely disagree with his views because I thought about the things that I will forever take with me that I got from Covenant, and the majority of them weren't quotes from text books or found over the internet. They were from my professors desires to encourage, challenge, and relate to me. I thought about the one thing that I will always remember from 210:

We were discussing why there's poverty in the world. In short, we said that because of the fall, man's 4 fundamental relationships (man's relationship with God, with himself, with creation, and with others) broke. One of the effects that those 4 broken relationships have is poverty.

We then defined developmental work. Developmental work is helping others reconcile those relationships. But the key to understanding this definition is that all of us need repair to those relationships, and we as humans cannot fix those relationships, only God can.

So, the class saw the obvious problem, If we can't reconcile those relationships, what are we supposed to do?

Dr. Fikkert then proceeded to write in large bold letters "GOD HAS TO WORK!!!!" He then told us that as community development majors we were signing up for a job that we can't and never will accomplish. We're getting a degree in NOTHING. The only way our careers can work out is if we drop to our knees everyday and PRAY for a MIRACLE to happen.

Those words have stuck with me all 3 years of my college career. I couldn't have gotten that same message from a text book, definitely not in the intensity it needs to be said.

So, now I'm longing to be back learning at Covenant, but I know I'm learning a lot here.
Oh, and I've started praying for miracles.

PRAY:
- for my relationships with my housemates, that God will show me how to love my brothers and sisters in Christ during the next 2 months.
- that we can go back to the office ASAP and I can get going on these interviews!
- Contentment and joy, no matter what the day brings.

Hoy, estoy interno internacional

More like this entire weekend, I've felt like a typical international com. dev. intern. Here's why:
1. I had to go to Starbucks to get internet. Not quite like an internet cafe, but close enough.

2. I had Latino fast food. Which is NOTHING like American fast food. We went to a place called "La Palacia de Jugos" (the fruit palace). The building itself had 2 complete walls, the other two had open archways and windows without glass in them. It was like one of the chinese food places at a mall where you stood in line and pointed at what you wanted. We got Plantains, chicken, and yummy rice with every kind of green vegetable possible in it.

3. I went to a pentecostal church that was predominantly Haitian. The building itself was a LOT like EPC (my church in Cape Coral). but the worship was like New City Fellowship on steroids. We sang songs that I learned at NCF, but they had dancers, trumpets, flags, everything! It wasn't just a culturally diverse congregation, it was culturally diverse worship. It was incredible (and it made me REALLY want to go to Haiti). Oh, and the church was celebrating it's 90 year anniversary. NINETY YEARS!

4. I didn't celebrate Memorial Day. I mean, I had the day off and everything, but we didn't do anything special. It made me kind of homesick (mom, don't cry). Normally, I'd have gone over to my Grandparents house, played a few games of Scum or Skip-bo with my Aunt, Grandparents, and immediate family. My Grandfather would have grilled some form of beef while my Grandmother prepared potatoes, and my Aunt a delicious salad. We would have squeezed around the table, all cooing over 2 year old Ruthee and throwing sarcastic comments to each other here and there (only when things got dull). We would enjoy dessert while my Grandfather read their daily devotions and have said a prayer for all the veterans and their families. Instead, I was kept from any downtown/beach area because of Hip Hop weekend, and I went to Starbucks, and wrote papers.

5. The airconditioning isn't working in the office this week (something with the roof being fixed, I really don't understand). And it's raining outside, so The office is a bit warm and humid. And when I came in today, all the conversations that were being held were in Espanol. Shoot, I don't need to go over seas for a cross-cultural experience!

So, those are the reasons why I don't feel like I'm in America any more. But I love the diversity in Miami. There are people who sell stuff at every stoplight (mostly cold water, fresh fruit or the most beautiful flowers).Yvonne informed me that they're most likely illegal immigrants, I asked her if she ever bought stuff from them. She said that she had on numerous occasion because they sell them for really cheap. She said it just came down to survival. No one asks to see the store clerks papers, they're just going to go to whoever sells it for the cheapest.

It makes me excited about where I'll be living from Thursday on. The house I'm living in is a few blocks West of Little Havana. I've been through it twice or so since being in Miami and it's WONDERFUL! I don't understand it's bad reputation, I mean, yeah, don't go out there at night, but that's no different than MLK blvd in Ft. Myers or Alton Park in Chattanooga.

Anyways, this week I'll be starting to call other mentoring programs (probably not today because it's extremely loud in the office with all the fans going on), I'll be helping with the Women's RE: Conference run by the CCDA (Christian Community Development Association. aka- COOLEST PEOPLE EVER!!!), And I will have completed two out of five of my short paper requirements for the internship class.

sus oraciones son muy apreciadas!
Sus amo muy mucho, amigos y mi familia!

Vaya con Dios

On the spiritual side of life.

Yesterday was a frustrating and depressing day for me, and not really because of any direct event that occurred, but because of this pinching thorn in my side called jealousy. For those of you who don't know, I worked at summer camp last year, and thought that God had created that job specifically for me. i got paid to run around screaming, making crafts, and sharing the gospel with kids. Not only that, but I had an amazing staff to work with who quickly became like family to me. Well, yesterday was the first day of training for my camp friends, and I was so jealous that I couldn't do camp again. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Camp looked SO much better than my internship. I have friends or would definitely make friends at camp, here, I'm still not sure I'm anyone's friend, I would know exactly what I'm doing each day, here, I'm at the mercy of others to determine what I'll be doing.

The idea that absolutely killed me yesterday was this, Camp was straight up evangelism, asset mapping mentoring programs? not at all. I was furious that God would have me do this instead! I couldn't understand why God would use me last summer and show me that He can use me to reach out to kids, but stick me in an office with adults who are already Christians this summer.

After a very quite and slow dinner, I went up to my room and pulled out a special box. The box itself isn't anything special, it's an old Tevas shoe box with my name written on it in sharpie. it's what's inside the box that I treasure so much. Since freshman year of college, I've kept all the notes and letters and pictures people have given me. I pull them out and read them whenever I'm depressed or nostalgic.

I started reading some of them, and some of them had pretty powerful statements on them. Friends telling me that they know God's going to use me in amazing ways; I have tremendous gifts that I should use in as many ways as possible. I wanted to call those friends up and ask, "who the heck do you think I am?!?! I'm not that gifted, I don't think God's going to use me in amazing ways!"

I came across some others that told me that God will use me, if I only continue to submit humbly ; That the reasons for me being here, now, will be made clear if I pursue God with every ounce of my being. I thought, "Seriously, I'm sick of submitting to the unknown and the vague!"

That's when I felt more like a combination of Moses and Peter. I most certainly have not trusted that God will use the way he's created me to share His gospel of love with Miami, even though he 's proved his power to do this over and over to me. I've gone into the unknown before, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, but once I got to Miami, I looked away and fell in.

please pray for joy and contentment in my work. That God will let me see the fruits of my labor and the effects of that on the furthering of His Kingdom in Miami. It's not as familiar as camp, but that only forces me to trust God more to use me in miraculous ways.

Estoy haciendo algunas ecepciones

So, this whole communication fast thing, needed some tweaking ("t-w-e-a-k-i-n-g...well, that's it. He's married. with 3 kids." gold star to whoever recognizes that quote). See, I only get internet in the office, not at the house, which is when I'd normally be distracted by outside communication. Since that's the case, I've been forced to be intentional with my host family (either that or I just sit in my room from 7pm-7am. LAME-O). At the office, I'm normally jumping from job to job and talking with different people anyways. When I'm not, like right now, everyone around me is busy. I haven't been on facebook, which I'll keep off of for a while longer, and I haven't sent a text message until this morning and that was planned and that was to all my C3 family.

Anywho, blogging and restricted emails to my prayer partner and fellow interns are now allowed. texting, facebook, and excess emails are not.

So, here's what's been going on.
Saturday: babysat for the successful marriage counseling training event. I miss kids a lot!

Sunday: went to Citi Church. Chattanooga residents: picture a New City Fellowship without the Presbyterian title and a Hispanic Randy Nabors and VOILA! you have Citi Church. The worship was incredible! There was music, shouting, dancing, laughing, crying it was almost like a small small picture of Heaven. I got to go dress shopping with Yvonne and her 13 year old mentee who needed a white graduation dress. And, the Sawyers other son came home from studying abroad in Europe. He knew I was going to be there and brought me Swiss chocolate. I wanted to cry when he gave it to me because I haven't had chocolate in at least 13 days, and it was Swiss!

Monday: Mary asked me to look into this Christian youth mentoring network that's national. She also invited me to their staff meeting about their next mentoring orientation. So, I sat in there, not really expecting to say anything; then she asks me for my opinion on the last orientation I sat in. I gave my honest opinion and they took my advice! me, the little college intern who's had no social work experience and only been in the office for a week, gave advice that changed the way they ran their next orientation! HOLLER! We also had another "Family" dinner at my hosts' house. The 2 youngest sons are hilarious! and musicians! I've heard them practicing or playing their music at night.

Tuesday: I helped Mary put together her power point for her part of the orientation. It was interesting because the secretary, Lilly, told me how much she hates power point because she doesn't really use it. I told her I hated it because I had to use it for every stupid high school project and sometimes at Covenant. I also helped stuff the packets for the attendees for the orientation and got stuff together for that. We then went to Cross Bridge Church to run the orientation (during which I was taking notes), and then went home.

The Random Observations:
- the phones in the office are extremely loud, no one puts them up to their ears, they hold them against the side of their face.

- Friday, Mary and Lily told be about Memorial day weekend on Miami beach. It’s Hip Hip Weekend and they told me not to even think about going out there. A lot of crap happens then.

- The Miami Herold featured an article on microfinancing in Haiti. I sent it to Dr. Mask and Kevin. Dr. Masks' response to it? "Greetings, you micorfinance monster!" oh...no...

- Florida water has a very distinct taste, even if it’s filtered.

- Jorge (from accounting) makes Café Cubano EVERY DAY he comes into work! Friday is no longer my
favorite day.

- If anything bad happens to me, it will most likely be a car accident because people here, are MANIACS! Normally, car horns startle me and make me sheepish, but here, I don’t care.

The Problems:
- still no response from the email I sent out. I'm praying a LOT right now that God just reminds them to respond. If I don't hear anything by lunch, I'm hunting some folks down. I need to start setting up interviews!

- Because I'm not "doing anything", I'm the candidate for a lot of other jobs, which is fine, but I'm getting a little nervous about people remembering I'm here to complete a very specific task. and those who are giving me the extra jobs? they're the ones I need to meet with so I can start calling for interviews.

- holy Cynicism, batman! The head of the organization says a LOT of negative things about the church, other programs, the local and national government, schools, etc. and it is driving me CRAZY! but I don't know how to deal with it, so I let him rant on in hopes that something positive will come out of my mouth.....eventually

The Good Stuff:
- I'm getting to know my host brothers better. they are AWESOME!

- I'm getting to know the staff better and they really trust and value me and my work.

- I've adapted to the culture. And by "adapted" I mean that I'm no longer in shock by some of the outfits people choose to wear or by the dramatic changes between geographical locations, and
Estoy estudiando espanol todos las noches.

- I'm getting use to spicy foods.

Gracias para tus oraciones!

Rebeca

"como se dice.....success.....y...frustration?"

Shwell, on Wednesday, Mary came back and I felt a great peace about my summer as she was giving me a detailed overview of what they want me to do. I almost cried (out of joy!) when she handed me a notebook FULL of research and resources they already had. She also gave me a brief overview of their attempt to create the Mentoring Network of Miami. The notebook had almost EVERYTHING from the preparation for this, everything down to emails that said things like,"hey, here are some questions I have...". AND! they already researched and collecting contact information from most 22 of the mentoring programs in Miami. Com. Dev. Asset Mapping intern's DREAM COME TRUE! So, flipping through the book, I came up with a TON of questions about this attempt which Mary answered for me and referenced me to other staff members for answers to other questions.

So, between Wednesday and today, here's what I've done:
- Typed up a detailed history of FCFC's attempt to start MNM (some details still missing).
- Type up a questionnaire for my interviews with the mentoring programs
- Started writing a consent form, got frustrated with how fake it sounded, and moved on with my life (I do plan on coming back to this, no fears)
- Worked on my expanded field notes a bit.
- Observed a training orientation run by FCFC at a local church.
- chopped celery, peppers and broccoli (yeah, I'll come back to this in a second)
- sent an email out to some staff members asking if I could meet with each of them. (yeah, I'll come back to this one, too).

THE PROBLEMS
1. My host continuously tells me how he wants me to have a "well-rounded" experience, not just sit and read about things. Great! all about the hands on thing...however, I don't think he finds my research to be a priority. After the mentoring orientation he told me that he thought observations were dead ends and asked me how helpful they'll really be to my research. I explained that they are EXTREMELY crucial to my research and make up about 35%-50% of my data. He isn't too sure about it still (It's like trying to convince Dr. Mask that Asset Mapping is REAL RESEARCH). This morning, I was partaking in a VERY interesting conversation about Amachi when I was pulled away to chop vegetables for the Marriage Conference FCFC's hosting this weekend. yeah, kinda frustrating.

2. Yeah, that email? Sent it out yesterday to 5 people, all whom I met face-to-face and have had some interactions with. I must have been to nice (I know, weird, right?) because NONE of them have responded! It made me kind of nervous, because me and my crazy anxieties thought about the possibility that they don't care or understand my research. So, that thought is now being sat on by a mammoth of a thought called, "CALM DOWN!".

THE LESSONS
1. "Do everything without complaining"....anyone have a song stuck in their head now (haha!) yeah, I know that I missed an important conversation, but the questions that came into my head during that time will come up again, I can get those answers anythime. It wasn't like I was being kept from an interview with an organization or anything like that. And if that does happen, I can easily say, "no." but right now, I'm waiting for the OK to start interviewing, I've got time to chop!

2. "Be Patient, Don't worry"....anyone have another song stuck in their head? haha!
So, People are busy around here. they all have like 50 million different responsibilities to worry about. I need to be super patient because, contrary to my personal beliefs, I'M NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON AND MY RESEARCH IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK! yeah, stickin' that on a post-it note where I can see it everyday. in addition to this kind of patience, I have to be patience with miscommunication and misunderstandings. If someone thinks that my observations are pointless, so what? as long as I can still conduct them, it's fine, it's not a battle I have to fight or a grudge to hold against them.


BRIEFING
so, I realize this was a super long post, but it's where I'm at right now. And I won't be blogging for a while (this is my last day of internet access before my communications fast).
Your prayers are always desired!