I finally know the right answer!

..y es NO bueno.

The set up: ok, so, when I've been introduced to someone here in Miami, here has been the typical conversation-

them: Oh, so are you from Miami?

me: no, I'm originally from Cape Coral, but I go to school in GA.

them: oh, what year are you?

me: I'll be a senior in August

them: what are you majoring in?

me: community development

them: ......hmm.....and, uh, what are you planning on doing after graduation? 

Now, my typical answer to this last question is something about how ideally I'd want to work in St. Louis and teach financial literacy to low-income adults.

but, my experience today has changed that answer to this

me: I plan on seeing a whole lot of screwed up relationships and being told heart breaking stories like they're the weather forecast and cry a lot because I know that I can not make any of that magically disappear. 

Today, Yvonne and I took her mentee and her mentee's best friend to church with us (oh, I moved back in with the Sawyer's for at least the next 2 weeks). When we got to church, Jessica (mentee) and Amaryllis (bf) got black coffee before we sat down. These girls are just starting middle school, and they drink black coffee. I didn't start my coffee addiction till junior year of high school and I refused to drink it black. I labeled it as something cultural, since both of them are Hispanic (Jessica is Puerto Rican and Amaryllis is Dominican). 

After church, we brought them back to the Sawyers' and had lunch with them. We started talking with them ; Half way through our conversation, I started to realize the weight of what these girls were saying about their realities. Amaryllis was telling Yvonne about her dad. He's a drug addict and is in Orlando for rehab; he calls her a few times a week and she always tells him that she never wants him to come back. Yvonne asked her why and she told us that he tells her that he loves her, but then he doesn't show it. "He yells at me, he is mean and rude to all of my friends, he steals from my mom" the list went on. 

Yvonne told the girls that the reality in life is that some people will say "I love you" but if their actions don't show it, it's not really love. She steered away from the drug-addict dad example, "like if you have a boyfriend that says he loves you but than hits you, he doesn't really love you." I was relieved thinking that now we're in the land of make believe- talking about situations that were hypothetical, not reality, for these girls. 

wrong. 

"Like my friend! She's only in 6th grade and she was dating this guy..." Jessica's story continued about her friends' abusive relationship and how it ended with the boy being beat by all the girls' friends. 

These 2 girls aren't even at the 1/2 point of their lives. When I was their age, my biggest concern was if this week's episode of Lizzie McGuire was going to be a rerun or not. In most of my interviews this summer, the interviewee mentioned some Cinderella story of a kid in their program to give a personal story of success. These weren't stories I asked for and they're not making it into the final report, but they still came up. After 23 stories of "They had no chance...look where they are now!", I guess my heart became dull to it. 

And that made me worry a bit. I realized that I picked a major that exists because of the vast amount and various kinds of poverty that exists. Have you ever heard a "good" story of poverty? one that doesn't make you want to punch a wall, nor sit against one crying? one that sparks hope for mankind? Well, these girls' stories did NOT make me feel better about life. How in the world am I supposed to be facing things like this every day post graduation? How in the world am I supposed to change the realities of young girls like Jessica and Amaryllis? How in the world am I supposed to get up out of my bed to face a world full of problems knowing that I CAN'T FIX THESE PROBLEMS?!

And then I see Dr. Fikkert, standing in front of my Theory of Community Development class yelling, "All you can do is drop to your knees everyday and PRAY for a MIRACLE to happen."

Followed by one of most powerful scriptures I've read this summer. 

"When the poor and needy seek water,

and there is none,

and their tongue is parched with thirst, 

I the LORD will answer them; 

I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys,

I will make the wilderness a pool of water, 

and the dry land springs of water.

I will put in the wilderness the ceder, the acacia, the myrtle and the olive.

I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together.

That they may see and know,

may consider and understand together,

that the hand of the LORD has done this,

the Holy One of Israel has created it." 

Isaiah 41:17-20

The prayer requests:

- focus, patience and perseverance. I have 18 days left in Miami and a lot to do. 

- Super specific, but one of my school papers requires me to interview 5 recipients of the programs, but that's really difficult for me to do because of the program I'm working for. So pray that something works out for this. 

- continued health and safety.