So, yesterday was a really long day, and around 5pm (the time I was leaving the office) I realized I hadn't really planned what I was going to eat for dinner. Before leaving, I googled "Chinese Food" and found a Panda Express a few blocks away from where I'm staying this week. And yes, I got Chinese food for dinner (mom would be proud). It was really a comfortable night. I ate Chinese while waiting for the rain to stop so I could walk the dog. I walked the dog and then just watched TV for the rest of the night. As I was thoroughly enjoying "So You Think You Can Dance?", I pulled out the fortune cookie and pulled out my fortune.
"You will live a comfortable life"
I scoffed at this at first. Really? I don't think I've been comfortable since I've been in Miami. I still feel like an outsider with no connections. But then I thought about this more. Could I really have a comfortable life and be a Com. Dev. major? I know it sounds like a ridiculous question to ask, but there's such a strong stereotype around our major. We're suppose to come back from our internships with dreadlocks and cornrows, we're supposed to only wear 2nd hand clothes, we're suppose to want to live in the ghetto neighborhoods or in unheard of villages and live the most simplest lives possible. I have nothing against this things, but they're far from comfortable. The question changed from could I live a comfortable life and work with the poor, to should I WANT to have a comfortable life?
I mean, to a degree, right? I don't want to live the way I've lived this summer, not knowing where I should fit in and how to get there. I hope that I could live in a place and lay out strong roots and feel comfortable biking around the neighborhood, going to the supermarket, and sitting at church on Sunday. But the work "comfortable" just sounds dangerous to me. And the conclusion I came to was this: in the social aspect of life, yes I want to be comfortable. But I'm a sojourner here. This is not the life I'm living for. Good thing it was just a fortune cookie.
In other news, I'm bored out of my mind! I have so much free time on my hands next month, it's INSANE! I might look for a place to volunteer on Saturdays because I will go crazy.
and here is a list of things that have been on my mind (aka the things I miss the most). Don't worry, there will be things here that I miss as well and that list will come at the end of the summer.
- having family around.
- Playing/singing/reading with Ruthee (my 2 yr. old niece)
- Watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" on Wed. and Thursday nights at the Johns' and during commercials, talking about what game we were going to play after the show.
- going to the Johns' in general.
- NOM NOM! (aka- dinner in the Great Hall at 5pm with the girls on my hall)
- Going to New City Fellowship on Sunday mornings (driving there and back with Ashley and Ben, teaching 5 year old Sunday school, and hearing Pastor Nabors preach)
- Having roommates around to do stuff with, even if it's just sitting around and talking.
- being able to quote shows and movies like Psych, Chuck, and Mean Girls* and have someone know what I'm talking about (* I have a roommate who's from Africa and she's white. Of course I'm going to quote Mean Girls)
- I miss having classes during the day to keep me busy and make me feel like I'm actually learning something. There are days here when I don't think I've learned anything at all.
- I miss having classes also because I always had friends in the class to socialize with (CDV 460: post-it note conversations with Jessica and Clara, Urban Poverty: lists of ridiculous things with Dave and Jess, Interpersonal Communications: Rashad and I being made fun of because we're "bad listeners"; Trexy and JM picking on each other; and Jess and I laughing a LOT!)
- I miss sitting in the Kresge Memorial Library in an unclaimed sip carrel until 12:45am constantly working on some form of homework and witnessing people snap into insanity (Scott dropping Beth on her head, plenty of chair races, random girl passing out brownies, Jessica Chen)
I'm not really homesick, I mean I am actively missing those things, but it's not overbearing. It actually keeps me motivated to finish week 7 strong. 5 more to go.
I love this. I love hearing what you're thinking and feeling and processing and learning. It sounds like it's really tough at times (there's not much in a twenty-something person's life that's harder than having too much free time and not enough social familiarity). But you are amazing in your patience and groundedness.
ReplyDeleteHow about this: contentment but not complacency? That's what good comfort is, I guess.
I miss Covenant.
I like being such a major part of your life :)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, next year, we'll still have plenty of time together despite our horrible class schedules!
What am I learning on this internship? I miss Covenant, A LOT. I am so blessed to go to that school and I am so blessed to have friends like you guys! Okay Bonhoeffer is really getting to my head. I just like what he says about community more and more and more and oh it's such a blessing to live in community with other Christians! I mean, even for me, around the world, I'm in fellowship with other Christians and I think it makes all the difference.
The being comfortable thing--I totally get it! :) But take a deep breath, you're not going to do another 12 week internship. Think about it...12 weeks = really awkward time length to be involved in community development. If you were to work for some NGO I'm sure you'd have some type of contract work and if you're under contract for say 3 years, you'll learn to set deeper roots, you'll live anticipating deeper roots, other people will connect to you with more long-term intentions, etc etc. Don't be anxious! This 12 week internship isn't reflective of "community development". I mean, it is! But it's not. You know? And look at each of us! Our experiences/projects look so different and we're all gifted in such different ways...but it's all comdev. Comdev is really ambiguous. Maybe it's more of a "way of life" than it is a college major. hm i should put this in my log. but i'll put it in for next week because i'm starting to run out of things to say..........
Its coming! I think this internship has really taught me the value of the community I have back home :) Also, I am praying for you about the free time because I am in the same boat
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